Tell Me Your Story

One of my greatest fears is that Dominic will be forgotten.

If I ever speak it out loud, people are quick to assure me that he will always be remembered. But I know it isn’t true–unless others allow me to tell my story.

Not the Reader’s Digest condensed version–but the full length director’s cut–the one that takes time to tell and time to hear.

Because the farther away I get from the last living memory of him, the harder it is to think of him in the present tense.  And I know if that’s true for me, his mother, it must be doubly true for others.

We buy tickets to movies, purchase books and cruise the Internet gobbling up other people’s stories.  Yet we often make it difficult for those we know to tell us theirs.

We jockey for attention at gatherings, or worse, give all our attention to electronic devices.  We think we KNOW other people’s stories so we don’t want to bore ourselves with listening again.

The truth is, we know less than we think about the folks we rub shoulders with every day.

Invite others to tell their stories–not just the grieving, but the elderly, the quiet ones in the corner, or the neighbor you’ve only seen from across the way.

Take some cookies, put away your phone and just listen.

(And feel free to share in the comments section too–I’d love to know YOUR story…)

 

 

 

 

 

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

8 thoughts on “Tell Me Your Story”

  1. It has been almost 11 years since my 16 year old daughter died. When her friends reach out to me or do something in memory of my daughter it fills my heart with more joy than they could ever imagine. Your son will be remembered. You will keep his memory alive inside you.

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  2. Anna LeBlanc, I can tell you with no hesitation at all that God exists; I assure you God hears your prayers, sees your suffering, and is always the only true source of Comfort and Love. Regarding “why”, there is an answer to this but you must receive it for yourself; each of us receives an answer unique to our situation and to the situation of our children because no two souls are alike, each of us has a journey. Our children were not truly “ours”, they were great gifts, and they also had a purpose and a journey, no matter how difficult that journey might have been. They have completed the task. God is good. I have seen my daughter, once standing at my bedside, five times in dream/visions (NOT dreams, there’s a huge difference between dreaming about your child and actually being visited by your child, and not everyone gets a visit, I don’t know why). I have also received much from God (actual proof of His existence). I pray every day for all the Mamas I know on FB (I am the admin of a group of women who lost their children to mental illness) and for all Mamas everywhere. Trusting in God is hard in the face of horrible tragedy. It requires a daily commitment to prayer and you don’t have to know any special words, just talk to God, and pray for others. You will one day begin to get answers, I promise you. Much love to you, little sister.

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  3. Filled with anquush. I opened my eyes this morning and wanted to get up and cook my barely 19 year son breakfast. Then, reality to catch my breathe sunk in with its vengeance. Devin- Michael was killed in January 30, 2016. His heart stopped beating in my arms, he was brain dead. It was a brutal sight. For awhile the tears wouldn’t stop , no sleep at all for five weeks. Then, finally restless dreams from the last memory of holding him. It’s a unquie pain. I mostly very quite now. He was my only child. He planned on children. He’d been a great dad. So as I watch from a distance because people stop inviting you to the celebrations or refrain from sharing there family celebrations. Like wedding, babies, college experience. Your just left behind with nothing but painful time and a depersatoon for one more day. To hear his voice, that one more mum I love love you, one more hug, one more! But you kiss pictures in frames and grieve so deeply a sorrow of despair a raw emotion that cannot be explained or understood by yourself much less expect anyone else to grasp the emptiness the life sentence you must endure.

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    1. I’m so very sorry Amy-it is hard, hard, hard. And I can’t imagine how very much harder it would be to lose your only child. People sometimes pull away because they are so very uncomfortable with our pain. May the LORD give you strength for each new day and may He overwhelm your heart with grace and mercy. I’m praying that HE will bring you a safe and supportive friend that will walk with you.

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  4. Melanie, that’s how I have felt since Joe died. I cried again and again, thinking I won’t remember him. I’ve shared my thoughts with my husband and he assures me that I won’t ever forget him. But my heart is not comforted. I guess it’s still so soon and so many firsts since he’s been gone, I just feel like he will be forgotten forever. I know his death has affected many people, family and friends, but it’s hard, just so hard.

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    1. Anna, it’s a bit over 2 years for me and my son was only 23 (almost 24) when he died-no wife, no child-no physical dna evidence of who he was and how much he meant to me. I have to make a strong and constant effort to remember the details. I am currently working on compiling personal family stories to keep the fulness of who Dom was alive in our collective memories. I know others remember him and that he was/is important to others, but honestly, the REAL Dominic is fading. It is scary. Praying for both of us that God continues to keep our sons alive in our hearts and in the hearts of others. May we all tell our stories, tell their stories and listen well to the stories of others.

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      2. Your strength and courage and faith in God really gives me hope. Our lives are different but I feel we have a bond through this thing called grief. Sometimes I don’t even know what to pray. Desperately hanging on is all I can do sometimes. Reading what you and others post lets me know that I do not walk alone and helps me to sort through the whirlwind of emotions. I want to scream why often but am holding on to hope knowing that God knows and requires me to just trust in Him. Thank you for responding to me and for your prayers.

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