When The Last Fingerprint Fades Away

Dominic was always working on his car.

During one weekend session, something went wrong and he came storming through the garage.

He slammed both hands hard on my extra pantry, crashing one mason jar full of tomatoes into the other, making a mess and leaving greasy hand prints on the white melamine doors.

I waited until he made his way into the house and upstairs then went to assess the damage-tomatoes dripping everywhere, glass on the floor and hand prints in several places.

I cleaned the tomatoes and glass and gave a swipe at the doors. But those marks of my son’s temper remained for months. I finally found a mixture that got most of it off so only faint reminders were left.

After Dominic was killed, I went to the garage and put my fingers one by one into what was still there of his hand print.

It made me feel closer to him, like there was a little of his life left that I could touch.

Today I was thinking-what will I do when the last fingerprint fades away?

What will I cling to that can make him real to me again?

I know he has only left this earthly tent and the real Dominic is with Jesus, but I’m still stuck in the physical world, longing for physical connection.

A mama’s arms are made for holding her children, not for holding their memories.

This is the greatest challenge I face in my grief–not blaming God or even dealing with the pain–it’s the need to touch my children and knowing now one is beyond my reach until I join him in heaven.

[King David said] “Could I bring the child back to life? I will some day go to where he is, but he can never come back to me.”  2 Samuel 12:23b GNT

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

8 thoughts on “When The Last Fingerprint Fades Away”

  3. Your words always bring that bit of sanity when otherwise things just don’t make sense or I feel like I’m crazy. Pushing the feelings of longing away doesn’t help I know, but I guess it’s the only way I can deal with his absence sometimes. I’m learning to just trust when I can’t and know that things won’t ever make sense, but that He has a plan and a future I can’t even imagine for the rest of our time here. Thanks Melanie. God bless you this holiday season.

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  4. Several years before John Paul, my son, went home early in November 2015, he remodeled the master bathroom as a Mother’s Day gift to me…painted the entire room a beautiful dusty mauve rose, put up complementing rose border… just beautiful 💕 He repaired some damage in the plaster ceiling and decided to surprise me by adding textured swirls… actually they were not swirls at all, his creativity soared and he stamped the entire ceiling with his hands leaving his precious imprints above … when he left us suddenly after his 25th Birthday, I found so much tangible comfort just sitting in that room – looking up through tear-filled eyes… there are some things I believe God has us do for future comfort without realizing it at the time…I Love that you wrote this post…such comfort in sharing one another’s 💔 tears – With Love, Joan

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