It’s not a cozy, warm-yourself-up fire in my safe fireplace.
It’s a raging, too-hot-to-survive inferno, blazing away and uncontrollable.
Losing my son is refining me, burning off the excess, drawing out the inner woman.
April 14, 2014
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. IN ALL THIS YOU GREATLY REJOICE, THOUGH NOW FOR A LITTLE WHILE YOU MAY HAVE HAD TO SUFFER GRIEF IN ALL KINDS OF TRIALS, –These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”
1 Peter 1:3-9 NIV
My heart is broken open wide, Father.
Fill it with love, compassion, grace, peace, hope and mercy-but never seal it shut-let what You fill it with spill out
“These three remain-faith, hope and love. And the greatest of these is love.”
April 29, 2016
I’m still in the fire.
I don’t know if I am used to the heat or if it has burned down to a cooler flame but it is more bearable to be here.
God has answered my whispered prayer:
He has filled and is filling my heart.
He has not allowed grief to make it hard.
“But we all suffer. For we all prize and love; and in this present existence of ours, prizing and loving yield suffering. Love in our world is suffering love. Some do not suffer much, though, for they do not love much. Suffering is for the loving. This, said Jesus, is the command of the Holy One: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” In commanding us to love, God invites us to suffer.”
― Nicholas Wolterstorff, Lament for a Son