It crosses my mind sometimes.
And it’s a topic of conversation among bereaved mamas:
- Why fight?
- Why struggle on in this hard life without my beloved child?
- Why keep on keeping on when I am so very tired?
There are lots of answers.
Some of us remain in the fight because we still have people depending on us-other children, aging parents, a spouse who is also grieving.
Others persevere because they want to honor their missing child’s memory and life and they do some big thing to commemorate him or her-fight for a cause, promote awareness, create a foundation.
Me-I hold onto the promise that in all this pain, all this sorrow, all this struggle-God is doing a work in me and through me for His glory.
Before Dominic left us I knew only a handful of bereaved mothers.
But each of these women had a sweet, gracious, patient, kindness that flowed out of them like water from a spring.
I saw one of them yesterday.
We hugged and exchanged knowing looks filled with deep love born from deep sorrow. She didn’t ask me about trivial things-because she knows there is really only one question that matters:
Am I continuing to lean on Jesus?
Is He enough?
Do I trust that God will redeem and restore?
Because in the end, the only thing that makes this struggle meaningful is the promise that one day, a never-ending, eternal day, God will bring beauty from the ashes of burying my child.
He will fulfill the promise of the everlasting Jubilee:
He wants me to help those in Zion who are filled with sorrow. I will put beautiful crowns on their heads in place of ashes. I will anoint them with olive oil to give them joy instead of sorrow. I will give them a spirit of praise in place of a spirit of sadness. They will be like oak trees that are strong and straight. The Lord himself will plant them in the land. That will show how glorious he is.
Isaiah 61:3 NIRV
And I believe that God’s going to have show and tell. He’s going to parade His persevering children to a wondering world at the end of the age.
Maybe He’ll say something like, “See! There’s My masterpiece! There’s My love on display! The devil thought he had won, but he is wrong. Eternally and undeniably wrong!”
For we are His workmanship [His own master work, a work of art], created in Christ Jesus [reborn from above—spiritually transformed, renewed, ready to be used] for good works, which God prepared [for us] beforehand [taking paths which He set], so that we would walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us].
Ephesians 2:10 AMP
I want to be pliable under the hand of the Potter-even though it hurts.
I’ll stay in the fire-even though it’s hot.
I’ll trust the One Who made and is making me.
Because the story God is writing for me and my family doesn’t end with ashes.