One year ago today I began sharing my grief journey publicly on this blog.
You can read that first post here.
It was (and still is) scary to expose my thoughts and feelings to a wider audience than just the pages of my personal journal.
I’m never certain that what is helpful for me is necessarily helpful for anyone else. But in writing it down I find that I am able to sort through things better than when I leave it bouncing around in my own head space.
I decided upfront that I would be as honest as possible about what I felt and how I was coping. I wasn’t sure if I would post only a few times or a lot, if it would turn into a day-by-day diary or a more sweeping revelation of deeper things.
I think it’s kind of been both at times.
And here we are, 366 days (it was a leap year) and 355 posts later and I’m still here and you’re still listening.
I don’t claim to have any special gifting or knowledge or ability. I am simply one mama whose love for both her child in heaven and her children still here demands that I speak out.
My heart is full of love and pain.
And my heart has been blessed beyond measure by those who read and share what I have written. I’ve met-in person and virtually-many bereaved parents who are helping me as I continue down this road.
I am so very thankful for each one.
I pray that for those who read these words and know the pain of burying a child, I am speaking things you may think or feel but are not willing or able to express.
And I pray that in hearing them spoken aloud, you are affirmed and encouraged that you. are. not. alone.
Dominic matters.
Your child matters.
It’s not only OK but absolutely necessary to admit that life after child loss is a struggle. It is also just fine to take your time working through the pain and sorrow and overwhelming changes child loss brings.
For those who read my posts and do not share this pain, I pray you gain insight into what bereaved parents feel and how burying a child changes EVERYTHING.
I hope you are better equipped to offer the ongoing support we need and crave. I hope you learn that this is not something we have chosen, it is something that happened to us.
And I pray that all of us will be more willing to extend grace, mercy and love to one another.
Words are not neutral.
They bring life or death.
They wound or heal.
May each of us be an instrument of healing for someone’s hurting heart.
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thelifeididntchoose 
Melanie, I really do believe that your words bless. I don’t read this blog as a grieving parent, but I read it as a friend, and your faith in the face of loss has been so brave.
Perhaps you’ve already seen this, but it popped up on my dash and I thought you might appreciate it: http://paintedprayerbook.com/2016/09/16/blessing-for-the-dailiness-of-grief/
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I haven’t seen this but will check it out. Thank you for the encouragement. I have been blessed by your blog-many times it has been just what I needed that very day.
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Reblogged this on Boxx Banter and commented:
My virtual friend, Melanie, simply shares my heart, my brokenness, my faith, my struggle and my purpose for blogging. She has much to offer the bereaved and those who care for them, on a foundation of sound doctrine.
Melanie, has been such a blessing to me personally. Everything she writes echoes a chord within my soul. In this post, she touched on the one thing I have been too vulnerable – too afraid to share – that need – that craving, for ongoing support.
I hope you will read Melanie’s post and visit her blog at thelifeididntchoose.com. God is working and ministering to brokenhearted parents worldwide through her struggle.
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Thank you for the kind words Janet. You have been such an encouragement to me. It is a great blessing to be able to dig into the deep questions surrounding suffering and pain with one who shares my love of Scripture and desire for truth in the inmost parts. I wish we didn’t share the grief of burying children but am thankful to the Lord that He, in His wisdom, saw fit to cross our paths. I pray that both of us are a voice for the voiceless and that our willingness to share the vulnerable parts as well as the more presentable parts glorifies Him and, in some measure, lightens the burdens of others.
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Amen!
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Losing Zach was the worst day of my life as it also was for my husband and other son. Not only did we lose a son, his brother(our other son) lost a lifelong friend. Our family dynamics have changed forever. Thank you so much for writing your blog, it has been a great deal of help, hope and understanding for me.
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Melanie, I lost my husband 6months ago. A friend forwarded me one of your blogs and it touched me so much I decided to sign up to receive your blog. Even though our losses are very different, we both still grieve. We have a huge void in our lives. The way you openly and honestly describe your pain, feelings, grief is why I am still reading everyday..
You have an ability and a gift to describe your grief in a way that speaks to me deeply. Your authentic grief, your transparency is why I am here….is why I am eager to read #thelifeididntchoose……b/c I didn’t chose my life either…
Thank YOU!! The past two days…..Worship as Warfare and Not Ashamed to Wait, I am printing to keep. They were two of the strongest days for me…
There is a commercial that says, “Stay thirsty, my friend!”
To you I say, “Stay honest, my friend.”
We need to express our grief with total honesty..it helps us and others…I love and need to read about your deep gut wrenching, raw, ugly crying kind of grief.
Thank you!❤️ Our God is near to the broken-hearted.
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Paulette, thank you so much for the encouragement. God IS near to the brokenhearted. And hearts are broken in so many different ways. Grief is grief-it hurts no matter the source. Praying that the LORD continues to strengthen you in this journey and that you are overwhelmed daily by His grace, mercy and love.
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