Just a couple of days before Dominic left us, I and another one of my kids had a fuss.
He was frustrated and stressed and I was vulnerable and stressed and a few stray words ended up hurting my feelings.
I said, “I can’t talk anymore now”, and hung up the phone in tears.
He was sorry and I was sorry and we immediately exchanged texts and let the feelings cool so we could resume our conversation the next day.
He sent me flowers.
They were still beautiful when he came home to bury his brother.
Our family observes a rule: Don’t part in the heat of anger.
We may not be over our pain and the reason for the dispute may be legitimate, but NOTHING trumps relationship.
I am so very thankful for that rule. Because one burden I don’t have to carry is that I might have left Dominic wondering if everything was OK between us.
It was.
So I say to you:
- Speak your peace.
- Say you’re sorry.
- Move TOWARD the people you love and not away from them.
I pray every time I hear a siren that the person they are going to rescue will be alright. I pray that the family that loves that person will get another chance. I pray that the call that’s made is, “Come to the hospital to see me” and not “Come to the morgue”.
But you never know-you have NO guarantee that the last time you see or speak to someone you care about won’t be the LAST time.
And then you cannot undo the horror of regret that they might have left this world wondering if you loved them.
“I love you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want to stay angry with you. Please forgive me.”
Say it loud, say it often, say it NOW.
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thelifeididntchoose 
This is one of your most poignant for ME! I lost my temper on Good Friday all b/c RYAN & his sister argued over whose turn it was to clean their bathroom… My exact words were: “I CAN’T TAKE THIS ARGUING ANYMORE!” Two weeks later, Ryan took his life. A note the M.E. sent me (found in Ry’s wallet) was dated “Good Friday 2019”-the words from a children’s book he loved as a kid & repeated to me even as an adult: “I’ll love you forever,…” it had 3 smeared spots…tears, no doubt….Oh how my heart aches knowing how my words affected him…my shame & guilt will always be buried in my tears…
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I am so, so sorry dear heart. I can only tell you what a very precious friend told me: “Jesus never says ‘Shame on you!’, He says ‘Shame off you!’ “. He took our shame and it’s no longer ours to bear. You acted like a mom. You had no way to know what was coming. It’s obvious you poured into your son and he heard you. You loved him and you love him. I pray that the Lord helps your heart hold on. ❤
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This is so true. Two weeks before we lost Brenton, my husband was finally packing our house of 17 years to move to New Orleans to be with me. The entire family was together. On Sunday, with little time to go, Brenton was fooling around and not helping finish loading the UHaul truck. My husband got frustrated with him and started yelling at him to help.
After it was all said and done, my husband walked up to Brenton and hugged him (who knew that would be the last hug he received) and told him he loved him and was sorry. I thank God every day that my husband did that. If he had not done that and walked away that day mad, I am not sure my husband could have lived with himself knowing he left things in a bad way with Brenton.
So as my grandparents used to tell me, don’t ever go to bed angry. Couples/families/people are going to argue but for the ones that you love, don’t ever let them think you don’t. None of us know when our time will be called and I personally don’t want to live with the guilt that I didn’t let my family and friends know I love them.
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I am thankful too that your husband and Brenton left each other in love and not anger. So, so important for us who know the pain of loss to remind those who don’t. Thank you for sharing part of your story with me. May the Lord continue to give you strength for each day.
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