I’m looking right at her.
I know her. In fact, I’ve known her for years. But please don’t ask me her name.
I have no idea.
It happens to all of us-meet someone in the store or at the Post Office and you just know you know them, but cannot-for the life of you-remember a name.
Chatting on, you search mental files desperately trying to make a connection you can hold onto. Five minutes after she walks away it pops up-oh, yes! That’s so-and-so from such-and-such.
Imagine if instead of searching mental files without success you can’t even find the file cabinet and start to wonder if one ever existed.
That’s what “grief brain” does to you.
Here are a few more examples of things that actually happened:
- Someone would say something to me and I hear them as if it’s another language-I have absolutely NO IDEA what they just said.
- I had to write a list each morning of the most basic things to do (like eat) so that I didn’t forget to do them. I had to tape the list to the kitchen cabinet because otherwise I lost it.
- I could no longer walk away from the stove when it’s turned on-I burned more than one pot of peas.
- There are times I couldn’t remember my phone number or street address when asked.
- I answered the phone, heard a familiar voice only to be confused about exactly who was on the other end of the line.
- I became momentarily “lost” on familiar streets or in familiar stores.
- Sometimes I literally couldn’t remember what day it was.
- I forgot appointments, meetings and what time church starts on Wednesday night.
I began to wonder if I was losing my mind.
And, in a way, I was.
At least the mind I had BEFORE my son was killed.
The initial shock was only a beginning. Ongoing stress and related hormones as well as increased blood pressure, poor sleep, anxiety, profound sadness and being forced to acknowledge my own lack of control bombarded my mind for months. Pathways I’d relied on for most of my life were changed or destroyed.
If you think of the brain as an interconnected web of associations, functions and activity, it’s easy to see that rerouting or destroying some of the connections makes it harder to access information and do tasks.
“[W]hen brain imaging studies are done on people who are grieving, increased activity is seen along a broad network of neurons. These link areas associated not only with mood but also with memory, perception, conceptualization, and even the regulation of the heart, the digestive system, and other organs.” Prevention Magazine
It’s no wonder that I found it difficult to think and do the most routine tasks after child loss!
My mind was fundamentally altered.
It’s not as bad now as it was in the beginning.
But I still struggle to remember things that used to come easily. I still hear words that I don’t always understand. I depend much more on paper and pencil to keep track of important dates, appointments and phone numbers than I used to. And I never walk away from the stove.
If I make a lunch date with a friend, I ask that she message me the day before to remind me. If I don’t comprehend what someone is saying, I request that they repeat it. I keep a paper copy of important information in my purse and an electronic copy on my phone.
It’s frustrating sometimes, but it is not a moral failure that my brain isn’t as sharp as it once was.
What was embarrassing at first is now something I openly acknowledge.
I ask for help and I don’t apologize.
It’s really OK.
Featured image via: bedraggled & kicking
Share this:
thelifeididntchoose 
I am so glad I read this! I was told I had a form of Fibromyalgia Fog. I knew it wasn’t that and knew it was something else. It has been almost 14 years since I buried my daughter. She just turned 13. Brain cancer took her from us. I still to this day suffer from this. It’s awful.
Hugs to you all!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fibromyalgia, like my RA, CAN contribute to brain fog. So it might be a bit of both. It is reassuring to learn that our experience is normal and that we aren’t losing our minds on top of everything else. ❤
LikeLike
Reblogged this on Saline, Michigan and commented:
This is me.
LikeLike
❤
LikeLike
I am so glad I read this today. In the past week I have made mistakes at work (that I should never have made) and I forgot that I was going to accompany my husband to a doctors appt and had requested the time off, but I never went with him. But now I see that grief brain is a real thing. Last March my mother died, two weeks later my husband’s brother died, two weeks after that a good friend of ours died and then I found out that the woman who was like a 2nd mom to me had died. So basically we had four deaths to deal with in a short amount of time. My husband had a knee replacement at the beginning of March so there was no way he could go to the service for my mom. He could not go back to Michigan to attend his brother’s service, nor our friends services. Then just recently he found out that his knee is as good as it is going to get so he is grieving that and so am I. He has had so many health problems but this is the first time the solution did not seem to work. (Of course just because the earthly doctor says so, does not mean God can still not heal). I was starting to think I was starting dementia. I also am emotionally tired. So getting off the couch to go and clean is almost impossible. I want my house to be as clean as it used to be, but now I find ‘reasons’ not to clean, sleeping, reading… Then if you couple all of this with the fact that I have depression/anxiety and high blood pressure _all of which can have their side effects too. I started re-reading all the notes I took when I started this job, it’s almost like starting over. Thank you for this article though. It helps to know I am not crazy and that I am not alone.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Same here. I lost both parents, separately and unexpectedly, brother relapsed and went to prison for 4.5 years between their deaths. My sister was then dealing with a Domestic violence relationship and ended up divorcing him. I left my husband of 15yrs between my mother and fathers death and eventually divorced related to his adultery and lies with being so open that he cried in my arms about how one of them was marrying the wrong man and counseling not helpful. Then their was the job change and living change with eventually a church attending change. My 5 children not coping well with divorce, one withdrew and isolated, one rebelled and lived homeless your a little while, another rebelled acted out with anger and still struggles, and my two youngest well they are upset but coping well. A new man in My life that although tired betty hard to be there for us struggled due to the complexity of it all. All of this within a few years a few years ago. I (we) were forced into a life that was completely unknown and unfamiliar with learning how to do and live life all over again while trying to find joy in life. This message rang true for a long time, with all those grief fog symptoms with only some residual effects left. I’m still holding strong to my faith in our precious Lord and savior, Jesus Christ, who saw me through it all.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m so sorry for your pain and loss. I pray that the Lord gives you the strength you need for each day. ❤
LikeLike
I’m still doing lots of things you mention two and a half years on. I forget conversations I have had and seem to have a constant paper list near to hand. It all gets worse if there is any pressures.
The normal prep for Christmas, which is stressful for everyone, was always pretty much a routine that went along at a reasonably steady pace. Now I feel I’ve lost the plot….I don’t think I have but because thoughts and plans frequently slip from my grasp…it feels like it.
I’ve just started next week’s list before I double book something and stress myself out further….Heyho xxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
I understand completely. Feel the same way except it’s 4 1/2 years for me. ❤
LikeLike
Relief to hear and know that these feelings are real. That grief comes in many forms and without warning.
This is the most terrible time of my life. I’ve felt pain many times in my life,but the pain of losing a child is truly heart breaking.
LikeLike
After the death of my husband people would ask me a question and I could not find the answer. Simple things like what kind of car I drive would leave me staring into space searching for an answer that I knew but could not retrieve for the life of me. It is better but I find I don’t retain things well. I often asking my kids or coworkers the same question multiple times. It’s life having a form of dementia!
LikeLiked by 1 person
That is exactly what it seems like to me as well! The same utter inability to walk my brain back to a memory or word or thought. Pre-loss I would forget things ,of course, but I could almost always find a way around to remembering them. Now it’s like they are utterly gone. Poof! If they come back it’s not because of anything I try to do, it just happens. ❤
LikeLike
I lost my husband in November. Not sick, not anything, he simply died. That put me in shock. My mom passed the next day. What is the next step after shock? Because that is where I was, and where I still am. People tell me I’m doing well- what they don’t see are the million little pieces of paper with lists and notes and phone numbers that are in my purse, on my desk, on the table by my chair in the living room. If I think of something, I absolutely much write it down right away, because I will not remember it even one minute later. It is good to know I am not going crazy, and that others are also in this way.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am so very sorry for your loss and your pain. No, you are not crazy! I still make lists every day. At first I had to make lists with things like, “make the bed, eat, feed the cats”. I couldn’t remember ANYTHING. It is some better now but if any extra stress is added to the system I’m right back at ground zero. ❤
LikeLike
So sorry to hear this Mamacat. Be gentle on yourself. I don’t think we ever recover from grief, we just learn to carry on in spite of it. Take care.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes I forget everything. But the specific one that rather shocks me ; is that if someone tells me something sad… I immediately forget it. I can recall seeing their lips moving but I can’t “hear” the words in my memory. If I think and relive the conversation It may come to me.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Carolyn,
It sounds like your brain is trying to protect your heart. It’s not uncommon. I am sorry that it causes you frustration or worry. If you are going somewhere you need to be able to remember the information-take a trusted friend or family member with you to be your “ears”. That’s what is suggested for cancer patients, for example. Praying you feel the Father’s loving arms around you. ❤
LikeLike
Beautiful and very empathetic insight, Melanie. I wish more of us could have someone like you nearby. 🙂
LikeLike
I didn’t know this was why I couldn’t remember anything. My kids or friend would say things and I’ll respond and they will say, I just said that but I didn’t hear it or I don’t hear them at all. I thought I was going crazy. In the beginning…I couldn’t do anything, like I had lost the ability to function. Before I slipped into a depression coma, I just rented a moving truck, threw everything inside and left. My house full of memory ghosts were killing me on top of my loss. Although the thick fog has cleared…it will forever be a hazy view. I had no idea my entire world would be a whirlwind haze that I would have to relearn how to function. I can no longer retain information like I used to.
LikeLike
Before Kari died, I work d as an Occupational Therapist with children who had moderate to severe disabilities. We had children with very complex conditions attending. I returned to that job a couple of months after Kari left us, because my husband wasn’t working due to stress leave as a teacher and we needed some income.
I struggled with the emotional intensity, but also just the brain power required in my job. When we got a new CEO who caused a lot of unrest and trauma to staff, I left along with most of my colleagues.
I now work as a nanny and while the pay is a lot less, so is the stress and brain power required. I am so happy to have this job. In some ways I feel it is a gift from God as my Kari longed to have a baby, but died before she could. Now I have a pseudo grand daughter to love as if she was Kari’s (if that makes sense).
I hope and pray that somehow Kari is having her longing for a baby met in Heaven. In Steven Curtis Chapman’s song he talks of many babies who never got the chance to live on earth being cared for in Heaven. maybe that’s what she’s doing while she waits for me…..
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think one of the things we are all forced to do this side of child loss is reevaluate where we can put our limited resources of energy and emotion. Sounds like you made a wise choice. I am so very sorry for your pain and your loss. ❤
LikeLike
I’m an OT also and I hope your Kari is in heaven loving and caring for my 4 beautiful babies.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Grief brain is the pits and the exhaustion from just trying to exist. My 15 year old daughter got her wings courtesy of Epilepsy 17 June 2016, my Dads birthday. I am so tired but have to box on for my 3 surviving children and my heartbroken husband. I have to programme everything into my phone, coffee dates, grocery lists, kid playmates. My phone goes everywhere with me, a habit picked up from having to in case I had one of those calls from her school. I am so tired some days I think I don’t even have the energy to breathe.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Trina, I am so very sorry for your loss and your pain. Grief brain IS exhausting! It seems a cruel joke that on top of the work we have to do just to bear up under the grief we also have to work so very hard to do the necessary tasks of life. I completely identify with your statement that sometimes you don’t even think you have the energy to breathe.
It does get better over time. And learning to use every available help makes a difference too. For me, I have to use a combination of my phone and paper reminders. I have a clothespin clipped to the curtains by my front door where I place any “must take” papers with me so I can’t miss them.
Praying that the Lord gives you the strength you need for each new day. May you feel Him pour mercy and grace into your broken heart. ❤ Melanie
LikeLike
Are you telling me I am NOT going insane? That the very things you speak of aren’t just ME? I could cry with relief as odd as that might sound.. I lost my dad on 3/9/14 after an 8 day battle with Cancer. Yes I said 8 days. My mother collapsed and almost died on day 4 of his hospital stay. To top it off, I had been unable to reach my son, and sent my husband home to check on him, and, as I was on the phone with the Funeral home making arrangements for my dad (my mom is hearing impaired) I get a phone call from my husband telling me to come home immediately. I kept asking him what was wrong, and finally he told me . My son was dead. On my back porch. I was horrified to tell my mom without some kind of medical staff present incase she collapsed again. SO I never bat an eye, and told my mom without tears or letting on, that something was up and I was headed home to check on my son, and that i would call her with an update. I drove the 45 mins to my house from hers begging God for it to be a mistake, telling myself I would fix it when i got there. I pull in my drive, to deputies, EMS workers, and crime scene tape. I got out and fought tooth and nail to get to my child, who i could see was covered and on my back porch. They would not let me. I begged pleaded to no avail. After a while I had to call my mom and my aunt answered the phone. I told her what was going on but NOT to tell my mom. I had gone to the local ER and explained the situation.They were so kind. They had 3 nurses and a Dr on stand by. My mom got there, they showed her back to the room, and I had to tell her my son was gone. My son died on 3/9/14 as well. After reading your words, I can see myself in them. Thank you for sharing this..
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, my Peggy! How my heart hurts for you! I am so, so sorry for your pain and your loss. And I am horrified that you might have thought something was wrong with YOU as you experienced these common symptoms. No, you are not crazy. I pray you have found a supportive community of bereaved parents to help you in this journey. May the Lord give you strength for each day. ❤ Melanie
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dear Peggy- ……I’m hugging you in prayers…. How atrociously painful life is. I am so sorry for your gouging, shocking, and heart-wrenching experiences…. Yhank you for sharing here. You don’t crawl alone. ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Peggy, I’m so sorry! Your son died on the exact same day as my daughter. She is forever 31 and left three children behind. It changed my life forever. May God bless you and your family!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh my gosh Peggy, you poor, poor lady! Your poor hubby too. My heart just aches so badly for what your family has gone and is still going through. My sincerest condolences to you on the loss of your darling son and also of your dad. I do hope and pray that you have genuine support around you guys as time is going on. It’s not easy, but I pray you find your strength and hope in God each day xxxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
It happened after my husband walked out after 30years of marriage. I had a horrible time coping with the the rejection and 2 very angry teenagers , 16 and 19 years of age.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, grief comes in many forms. I am so very sorry.
LikeLike
My husband walked out on me and our children after 20 years. I never saw it coming. I don’t remember the first year after he left. Totally blank. My memory is gone. My soul is gone. The grief is overwhelming. Even as I sit here I can hardly see the screen from crying. I still think I am losing my mind daily. I know how you feel.
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a heavy burden. Grief comes in many forms and is always devastating. I pray the Lord meets you where you are and helps your heart hold onto hope. ❤
LikeLike
I have lived this life since 2005 when my son passed on. I thought I had lost my mind. I have learned many coping mechanisms to help remember things so I can function day to day. I’m definately not the person I was before death and I accept the fact I never will be. I need to share your post in hopes my friends and family read this and can understand what I have not been able to explain since my sons death.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I hope they are able to understand just a little bit better. This is our reality. We would change it if we could. But we can’t. Praying for you dear mama. ❤
LikeLike
Thank you for the info–spot on–lost my Daughter 8 years ago to a brain tumor–and my Husband just 12 weeks ago (suddenly). Thankful to God that they are enjoying Heaven together–and for having had the blessings of our relationships—–yet-struggling to breathe lately, and the heart pain can be overwhelming at times. My Hubby was proud to be a friend of Bill W. for more than 20 years–and one of their mantras was “one day at a time”–I think I need mine to be “one moment at a time” for now, but the same principle applies. So very exhausted! But I will praise You God for all the many blessings You give and continue to give–esp. Jesus–looking forward to the Heavenly reunion!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Donna, I am so very sorry for your loss and your pain. I am thankful you are relying on Jesus to make it through this Valley. I pray that you feel the Father’s arms around you and that He strengthens you each day. I can’t wait until every sad thing comes untrue and every tear is wiped away!!
LikeLike
Hi, Donna.
First, let me extend my condolences to you. I can honestly relate to how you feel. I too lost a daughter to a brain tumor (Teratocarcinoma). She passed two days after her second birthday. This April she would have been 25 yeas old and will have been gone for 23 years (which was the age I was when she passed). She was our only child at the time. Two years ago her father, my ex-husband passed from a rare sinus cancer (he didn’t drink, smoke, nor do drugs). Although we were divorced, we had reconciled (before his illness) and planned on remarrying, but he passed before we could. Our younger two daughters were 17 years and seven years when their dad passed. As hard as his death was for me (I had been his sole caregiver for the final year of his life), I knew I had to keep myself together for their sake. I managed to do it but it I have to give God all the glory because I believe He is what helped me get through my grief. Losing my daughter (and I’ve lost a lot of loved ones since then, including my mom, and my dad’s parents – who I was very close to and who mainly raised me) was the toughest death I have ever faced. That’s not to say that others who have passed on since her have not hurt me, but none have touched upon what losing her has been. People ask me how I have managed to go through life after losing a child. I point out that others have lost multiple children or have lost children to unnecessary tragedies. I lost my child to an illness that we tried to fight but could not win. I got to be with my child during that time, care for her, nurse her, and hold her hand as she peacefully passed at home. These may not seem like blessings to some being she did pass, but to me, I feel they are. And how do I make it after I have lost a child? Day by day and by the grace of God. May God bless you and your family. I will keep you in my prayers that you find comfort during this time.
Linda
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Linda, like you I was like a zombie, walking around numb after loosing my son to suicide. I had to be there for my other children so I didn’t really get to grieve. But when I was alone, I was reckless, like driving too fast or just not caring about myself. I must have lost 10 lbs. between the time he passed & the time he was buried. Losing a child is not supposed to happen. Losing two is even crazier. I also lost a full term baby by being still born. No wonder my mind has been whacky since. Then to top it all off I had lost both my parents at 12. No breaks for me. But I don’t dwell on it. I going on living for today.
Stella
LikeLiked by 1 person
Linda,
My first-born daughter died 23 years ago as well… at 7 1/2. It’s refreshing to read your words…. as it all happened a long time ago but also seems like yesterday. We were in and out of the hospital (She had AML) for years ( first symptoms appeared at 1 1/2 IT was so hard some times!!!! But your words resonate in me. I got to be there with her. She had wonderful care.
We had people praying, loving us.
There were many blessings …
LikeLiked by 1 person
I really liked your post. I am a person well acquainted with grief. I lost my mother when I was only sixteen and though I had a scholarship, my brain was too scrambled to use. I tried attending junior college but one day I just quit. I didn’t withdraw, told no one. Just stopped going. I could not think. Since that loss MANY years ago, I lost my dad, I miscarried, my sister was killed as a domestic violence victim, and in the past five years I lost two of my brothers. But our most recent loss is one of the hardest. In March last year we buried our 14 month old grandchild. Olivia Jane. My heart is still broken because not only am I grieving, but I see the pain that my son and his beautiful wife have. And I grieve with my grandchildren who loved Livie. Coming up to the anniversary date and dreading it. For this time last year she got sick and even though she had Trisomy 18, she was defying everything so we hoped she would continue to do so. I minister to those who have lost loved ones through my poetry. When I hurt, the words come. I appreciate what you are doing with your blog.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am so very sorry for your pain and your loss! Of course you couldn’t think after losing your mother! And I know your pain is multiplied with your grandchild. I pray that you feel the Father’s loving arms around you in your grief. Thank you for sharing part of your story.
LikeLike
Thank you for your kind words, Melanie. God is the great comforter. And honestly, in pain I see him more clearly.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My son’s heavenly birthday is coming in May, it will be 6yrs. I have come to the conclusion that life doesn’t get better, it just gets different…a new normal. The people closest to me have gotten used to my brain fog, my daughters ask me to repeat things in hopes that I don’t forget them…I still forget. I still have to pull off the road to cry, or sit in the truck when I get somewhere to cry. Grief just comes in waves when it’s unexpected…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am so very sorry for your loss and your pain Bessie. I think we get stronger and better able to carry this burden but don’t get “better” in the sense that we forget or heal beyond feeling the pain and sorrow. My family has also become accustomed to my brain fog. They are gracious and help me when I forget. Praying that you feel the Father’s loving arms around you ❤
LikeLike
I still have trouble reading. I can focus since his death. He died 2 and half years ago and I have yet to read a book or if I try the comprehension is just not there. It’s like my sense of focus is distorted . A widow I know once said she felt lost and un grounded . That is my exact thought. Totally ungrounded with no sense of direction. I agree so much with this article! CL I kept trying to learn new things and challenge my mind just so I know I’m not completely lost. Grief suxs.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am so very sorry for your pain and loss, Celeste. Grief does stink! I wish no one had to bear this burden. I was an avid reader before my son ran ahead to heaven-I might have 3 or 4 books going at once and complete 4-5 books a week. But now I also struggle to remain focused and find I can only read maybe a few pages or chapter at a time. And I often have to reread pages to understand them. Praying you feel God’s comfort in your grief.
LikeLike
I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one who has trouble reading. I have always read anything and everything. Since my son died in April I can’t focus on anything more than a short magazine article.
My memory is do bad that I couldn’t remember my address and I was in my house. I googled myself to find out what my address was. Glad to know I’m not insane.
LikeLiked by 1 person
No, you are not insane although it can feel that way! I have to do so many things differently now. Try to show yourself grace-it’s so, so hard.
LikeLiked by 1 person
After my husband died unexpectedly 2 1/2 years ago I couldn’t remember what I was doing…Who I had called or if I had called them. I carried around a notebook and called it “my brains”. I gave my daughter-in-law permission to be in charge of “my brains”. I remember being in a fog those days after his “going before me” (I like that phrase). I still have days where I KNOW I should be doing something but can’t remember what it was. I will go to my room for a while and back into the kitchen and see where I had left the milk or eggs out on the counter. Grief brain does not go away very guickly…Or at all.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are absolutely right, Denise. I’m sorry for your loss and your pain. I had a notebook I called, “Mom’s Brain” a few years before Dom ran ahead to heaven. I was in the process of being diagnosed with RA and had brain fog-not as bad as after loss-but it was very discouraging. My kids helped me keep up with it too. Obviously, when Dom died, I had some experience in this area so I went straight to the techniques that had helped before. But this is much more profound than what I’ve experienced with RA and there’s no medicine for it. Nearly 3 years for me and yesterday, after I posted this I had a doozy of a day-couldn’t remember a thing! Praying for you dear one.
LikeLike
Do you think this can happen with losing someone that is not a child? I know there is no pain like losing a child, but I still grieve for losing my grandmother. I lost her almost 5 months ago. It is getting better and I feel like I should be better by now but I am experience what you just described.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, ABSOLUTELY! I write from the perspective of child loss because that is my experience. But, yes! This can happen with any loss. It’s most profound when losing a loved one-and the closer the relationship the more impactful-but it can also happen as a result of other great grief caused by life circumstances. I am so sorry for your loss. Please be gentle on yourself. There are probably several posts that might be helpful for you if you check them out. Praying that the Lord gives you strength and comforts your heart.
LikeLike
My son died April 18, 2016 and my memory is so bad that I couldn’t remember my address and I was home! Finally, I used Google maps to find my address. It didn’t occur to me to look on mail, driver’s license, or even the mailbox. These are frightening episodes for sure.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, very scary! I am so sorry. That’s a perfect example of what I am talking about-pre-grief you would have made all those connections (not to mention forgetting your address in the first place!) Sometimes I feel like daily life is the same as me trying to understand advanced physics. I just don’t have the framework I once had. I am so very sorry for your pain and your loss. May the Lord comfort you and overwhelm your heart with His love, grace and mercy.
LikeLike
Reblogged this on Loss, Grief, Bereavement and Life Transitions Resource Library.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. Tomorrow I am going to share some coping strategies as a follow-up.
LikeLike
Hi There.. not quite a yr has passed i found this saved to my computer… It’s no better, and I’m at a loss .. What to do, where to look for help.. The therapist I saw said nothing was wrong with me. that it was normal.. I was in shock b/c my Med Dr. says something is wrong but it isn’t her field. She helps as much as possible, but grief brain is majorly overrunning my brain.. Prayers and hugs to each of you..
LikeLike
Thank you for this post, Melanie. Very true for me. The year anniversary of my son’s death recently passed, and I feel muddled most of the time. I took a leave from my work as a teacher, and I find the fog is often thicker. I had blamed it on lack of sleep, which ties into my continued grief. Sharing this with others will help them show me and my family continued grace.
💛💙Jeni Engler
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, goodness! All the hard things of grief become harder near those remembrance days. I had someone request I teach a speech class a bit over a year after Dom ran ahead to heaven. I had taught this class LOTS of times but found myself dumbfounded repeatedly while standing in front of the students. I had to double and triple check every single thing I needed to take or prepare for class. In a semester I barely learned the kids’ names even though it was a small class. Kudos to you for teaching still! I pray that sharing the post DOES help others understand. We certainly can’t help it. May the Lord give you exactly what you need for each day and may He overwhelm your heart with His love, grace and mercy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know what you mean. My kids complained and I started to fear that I was going to get diagnosed with a brain tumour. My memory was so bad that I had zero recall that my daughter had told me she had been accepted into University. ZERO! No matter how much I tried I could not remember anything to do with that conversation and I felt like the worst mother in the world.
I do feel like I’m getting a bit better now, but in part that may be because I’m not at work so I don’t have a lot to remember. Someday I will explain to my kids who are quite frustrated with me …. if I remember. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know-people who haven’t walked this path couldn’t imagine forgetting something like that. But we do. I’m glad you feel like it’s getting better. It is for me as well. Plus I’ve learned a few tips and tricks (as one of my daugher’s professors used to say) to help. 🙂 I love your sense of humor. Laughter truly is the best medicine.
LikeLike
Yes, that’s me.
LikeLike
The words describe what happened to my brain perfectly! After I returned to work people would ask me questions and I used to tell them, I don’t know. Not today…Maybe tomorrow. I say now that I used to be a smart person but sure am different now. It’s been over 10+yrs. This is who I am now.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have no idea how you do it at all. I don’t work outside my home. The farm chores are rote and not particularly challenging and the animals don’t care what I know as long as they are fed. You are brave. I pray you continue to be strengthened for each new day to carry this load of sorrow and missing.
LikeLike
Yes! I tell everyone my brain just doesn’t work anymore!
Sent from my iPhone
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s definitely the most concise definition! It doesn’t work, does it?
LikeLiked by 1 person
No, people don’t understand. When you once were the person who kept everything straight, they get frustrated when you don’t. I also find that when someone says something to me, I answer them in my head. Then I wonder did I answer them or just think what my answer would be.
LikeLiked by 2 people