Still Put My Foot In It…

You’d think that being on the other side of untimely or even painful comments would shape my conversation so that I am not the one blurting out hurtful or thoughtless words.

Sadly, that’s not the case.

While I am much more careful about what I say and how and when I say it, I still put my foot in it on a regular basis.

I talk instead of listen-rushing ahead to share MY pain instead of sitting silently while someone else shares theirs.

I make comparisons instead of extending boundless compassion.

I focus too much on the words and not enough on the wordless communication of facial expression and body language.

I try to “fix” the problem or person instead of simply being present.

I overwhelm a hurting heart with too much information.  Even good information delivered from a firehose instead of a water fountain is unhelpful.

I interrupt, cut people off, turn away and shorten uncomfortable conversations.

I want to do better.

I want to be the safe space hurting hearts need.

I want to be full of grace and mercy and kindness.

I know I fall short, but I’m still learning.

still-learning

 

 

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

7 thoughts on “Still Put My Foot In It…”

  1. Right there with you girl, I feel like you’re peeking at my life then writing about it.
    We just want to help other Moms so much that wind up walking this journey of grief I think & and to show them they are not alone along with making sure they watch for every sign that their child is still right and to show them they are not alone along with making sure they watch for every sign that their child is still right there watching them while they sit next to our Lord.
    I wish there was someone like us and jumped into my life when my world change 7/4/13.

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    1. I’m so sorry for your loss and your pain. This life is never easy but it is helpful to know we are not alone. Praying the Lord wraps His loving arms around you and fills your heart with His grace and mercy. ❤

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  3. I find myself unsure of what to say and repeating the same trite and meaningless phrases to those who are newly grieving. I even find myself anxious to go to funerals and I’m ashamed of myself. I was so grateful to the 300 or so people who attended my son’s funeral. It meant so much to our family that I vowed I would attend every funeral from now on. No more excuses and I have attended them, but I’m still sticking my foot in my mouth and I still don’t follow up with checking on people after the funeral. I will do better. I feel strongly that this is what I must do to help.

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    1. I don’t think we magically have better things to say just because we have been on the other side-what I try to do is simply say, “I’m so sorry. I love you. I’m praying for you.” If it is someone with whom I have a deeper relationship I may engage them further if they seeem like they want to talk-and I always end with, “I know you are hurting and may feel like no one understands. If you want someone to talk to, you can call anytime.”. I have only gone to funerals where I have a connection to the person who passed or to their kin. I still don’t go to funerals of more distant friends or others. I just can’t do it.

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