Why Self Talk Matters

What you tell yourself matters.

What you rehearse becomes what you believe.

What you believe becomes what you do.

When Dominic first ran ahead to Heaven, I was determined to hold onto truth with both hands.  I would not allow my mind to wander the winding path of “Why? or “What if?” or Where now?”

I was able to keep that up until the funeral.

Then the bottom fell out.

All the thoughts I had kept at bay crashed through my defenses like an invading army.  My mind was consumed by questions, doubts, horrible imagery and awful anxiety.

Slowly, slowly I recaptured the conquered territory.

I hung scribbled Bible verses and encouraging quotes all around the house.  I refused to read or listen to news stories recounting accidents.  I began the day with remembering Dom was gone, but also remembering I was still here and that my three living children, husband and parents needed me.

When my heart screamed, “Give up!  Give in!  It’s not worth it!”

My head answered, “No.  I will endure.  I will continue.  I will be the one to carry Dominic’s light into the world.”

If I speak doom, gloom and despair to myself then I will live darkness, defeat and disillusionment.

If I speak courage, calm and compassion to my heart then I will live with hope and reach for happiness.

Self-talk matters more than we know.

How I frame my experience-both my son’s death and my ongoing interaction with the living-determines if I will waste the days that remain or will work to make them count.

I have no control over the past, but I have a little over the future.

I can’t change what happened, but I can change my attitude.



Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

15 thoughts on “Why Self Talk Matters”

  1. Melanie,
    I feel deeply grateful for you!
    You sharing your feelings, your deepest and so personal thoughts have been a gift to me that I have no words for expressing how much you have touched my life. I wish I could write like you.
    Thank you!
    Grieving mother of Victor and Arturo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am so conscious of “not wasting my days.” It’s not every day that I am bright and breezy but I feel acutely aware that the day should not be wasted. I now make sure on those dark days, I make them into comfort days as best I can. It’s amazing how in love I can be with my hot water bottle 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have learned over the two and a half years since my son Jimmy left that the one I need to take care of most is myself. If I can’t love myself how can I love another. Self talk is so so important.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Love this! My husband was backing out of our driveway; our 6 year old son rode his bike into the driveway , my husband hit him, killing him instantly. One of the main things that saved me was focusing not just that my son was dead but that my husband was alive and oh so broken. I could not save my son, but I could help save my husband. Focusing on what I could do gave me the focus I needed at that time.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh the grace that was poured out upon you and through you to your husband! What a hard but beautiful choice. Thank you for sharing that. I’m so very sorry for the pain and loss you bear. May the Lord continue to give you what you need for each new day. ❤


  5. Oh Melanie you take the words right out of my mouth…
    In 3 short months it will be 3 years since I’ve heard his voice, listened to his thoughts and stared in to those big beautiful brown eyes with awe that he was my son❤️ He will always be my son..he saved my life..I wish I could of saved his….Forever Joseph’s Mom

    Liked by 2 people

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