NO One is “Strong Enough”

I’m kind of an overachiever. 

I grew up in a family where the motto was “You can do whatever you want to do if you want to do it badly enough”.

If you promised to go somewhere, do something, make something, provide something-well you better go, do, make or provide.

NO excuses allowed.

That kind of work ethic does set you apart and help you get ahead.

But it can also set you up for ultimate, catastrophic failure. 

Because there will come a moment in every life when events beyond your control overwhelm your heart and prevent you from going, doing, making, providing.

And if your self-worth is built upon a foundation of never letting anyone down, never asking for help, never being needy-well, then you go from feeling worthy to feeling worthless in a heartbeat.

Before Dominic ran ahead to heaven I had short seasons of helplessness due to illness.  Those few days and weeks were hard but I knew that I would soon return to the woman I was before and could resume the work that was essential to my feeling worthy of love and respect.

These last years since his departure have proven to be an extended period of helplessness and brokenness that continue to prevent me from doing, doing, doing.

And worse, that have required me to ask for help-over and over and over again.

But you know what I’m learning?  I’m learning that my worth is not based on what I can give.  

I do not have to earn love.  If what I’m getting from others is because of what I do for them, then it’s not real love.

I do not have to justify my existence by working myself to death.  If that is the only reason people want me around, then it’s a lousy one.

I’m also learning that refusing help is pride.  Pure and simple.

I can wrap it up in any excuse I want, but the root is self-importance and insistence that I can “do it myself” like a defiant two-year-old.

NO ONE can do it all themselves.

We ALL need help.

Asking for it and receiving it gracefully is strength, not weakness.

you are never strong enough that you dont need help



Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

2 thoughts on “NO One is “Strong Enough””

  1. Thank you so much for writing this. I am this person exactly. Since Colten left 10 months ago I don’t have the energy to do everything and I was used to doing a lot. I tried to do the right thing for my family, friends, and the community. I did not do it for any reward just because it was the right thing to do. I just don’t have the ability to do this now and I feel guilty for not doing it. I am not used to asking for help. However, I just used your article to ask for help decorating. A dear friend reminded me that Colten would want me to decorate. I just don’t know if I can.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thinking of you as you face another Christmas, Michaelle. I, too, have always been very independent and it was not easy to ask for help after our son died. As a matter of fact, it still isn’t. Even when I reached out, we didn’t necessarily get any response and I stopped asking. Not everyone will respond, but don’t give up. As Melanie said in another post, there are many reasons why people disappear or don’t respond. It took me time to realize this. I tried to keep on going “as usual” after Jason died, but it was just not possible. I had changed too much and was too broken.

      Your response first caught my eye because of your name. I, too, am a Carney (married into the family), and have a grandson name Michael Carney and a granddaughter named Makayla Carney.

      Hugs to you, dear mother of a precious son no longer with you.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: