How Transparent Should I Be When Sharing?

I am committed to authenticity but I am also committed to my own privacy and the privacy of my family.

So while I share freely here and in other places, I don’t share everything.

Sometimes I withhold because it’s not my story to tell.  Sometimes it’s because I can’t tell it without harming or defaming others.  And sometimes I don’t bare all because I just can’t weather other people’s reactions to what I have to say.

But for the most part, I’m pretty transparent.  Because secrets don’t serve anyone well.  

If I pretend to be stronger than I really am, I hide the truth that it is Christ in me that gives me strength.

If I don’t admit that certain words or actions hurt my heart, I enable thoughtless behavior.

If I only parrot “Sunday School” answers when someone asks about my faith in relation to my loss, then I silence other hearts wrestling with questions and pain in light of God’s sovereignty and love.

If I hide my tears, my pain, the missing then I minimize this great loss, And I will not make losing Dominic small.

business-authenticity

But if I am honest about my feelings,

honest about my weakness,

honest about what helps and what hurts,

then I can redeem part of this pain.

I can use it to make space for other hurting hearts.

Transparent is hard because it makes me vulnerable.  

But transparent is good because it makes my pain useful.

I didn’t choose this life, but I won’t waste it.  

brene brown vulnerablity sounds like truth

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

7 thoughts on “How Transparent Should I Be When Sharing?”

  1. Tomorrow 12/29 my son Ryan would be 26, he died a little less than 2 months before his 23rd birthday, so this is his 3rd birthday without him here, he has a daughter who just turned 4. I have a very hard time sharing anything with anyone and it is lonely, but the reactions and comments are usually hurtful so I just can’t anymore! At least you have another child…at least he had a daughter who is still here with you… other people have lost so much more…I’m too tired to share or care anymore. I have just accepted that this is my burden to bear, only Jesus knows and understands and I think for me that is all that matters. I love your posts Melanie, they are more helpful than anything else other than knowing that my God is with me through all of it.

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  2. Pingback: Sharing Transparently-How Much is Too Much? – thelifeididntchoose

  3. I have struggled with this for years. I worry about oversharing, and making others uncomfortabe. Other times when I’m asked if I have children, I just answer “No” because to answer my truth means revisiting the pain. What your post reminds me, is that anything other than the truth hurts me, and I need to not take on the responsibility of how others feel. Thank you for sharing.

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  4. Tomorrow is the 2nd anniversary of my son Jeff’s death. It is so very hard, the pain never lessens. Melanie, your words today are a great comfort. Your “realness” has helped my husband and me keep going. Today I am crawling. Taking the day off work tomorrow. Not sure if I will do anything, but I will be authentic. Melanie, may God give you comfrt knowing how He has used you to comfort me. Oh, I miss him so💛💙

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    1. Praying for you on this especially difficult day. Time can feel like the enemy-dragging me forward away from the last moment I hugged Dominic. But I try to remember that it is also pushing me closer to our reunion. It doesn’t always help my heart even though it’s true. ❤

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  5. Knowing your pain, knowing my pain, knowing Jesus wept, knowing we all weep at a loved ones death full fills the verses of 2 Corinthians chapter 1. We find strength together thru each other and Christ. Thank you for your words today.

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