The Mercy of Not Knowing

I participate in a number of online support groups for bereaved parents.

And one topic that makes the rounds at least once a week-often once a day-is how those outside our experience cannot truly understand our experience.

Because it’s true-you THINK you can imagine the pain of child loss if you have children, but even the most vivid imagination can’t conjure the utter blackness that waits on the other side of hearing, “Your son is dead.”

There’s a great divide between me and those who have not experienced child loss.

But it’s one I hope they never have to cross.

Because it’s a mercy to not know.

If all of us could fathom the pain of losing a child, no one would bear children–the risk would be too great.

So while the gap can be a source of misunderstanding and isolation for ME, it is a safeguard for YOU.

And I am grateful for it.  ❤

pain-behind-every-tear

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

16 thoughts on “The Mercy of Not Knowing”

  1. Can you tell me how to get connected with an online support group. I really would like a Christian group. I’ve tried compassionate friends and they are great but I need people that have faith in God.

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      1. Thank you, the last time I looked into their ministry they did not have one in my state. They also at that time did not have a virtual one, but I see that they do have one now.

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  3. I am constantly surprised ( although I don’t know why, still…. it’s been 3&1/2 years) at the depth and the strength and the DIFFERENCE of the pain of losing a child, as compared to any other. I’ve lost both parents, a best friend of 40 years, and I hate to use trivial words but they just sum it up better than any others…..
    Those losses were a piece of cake compared to losing my daughter.
    I was part of a loving, close knit family, I adored my parents and we spent more time together than most families. But quite honestly, I’d take those losses a hundred more times if it meant I didn’t have to be in such pain.
    The wild, wicked, cruddy thing called “grief”……. add a child to that mix, it truly feels like somedays I was going insane

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  5. The day I was told those words. It was a ordinary day. I was looking at my Facebook memories. Several years ago I had added a lot of photos. Baby and childhood photos of my children. Baby showers and wedding photos. I was looking at them and smiling. Thinking about how blessed I am.
    My daughter called and said Lee had went to the hospital in a ambulance. They were working out of town about a hour and a half away. We had no clue. I knew he was feeling bad the night before. And was up sick. He went to work anyway.
    The feeling when the dr told us, I could feel the numbness traveling down.
    I remember vividly my last feeling of happiness before he died. Looking at our photos when my phone rang.

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    1. I am so very sorry for your pain and your loss. That has to be a particularly poignant moment! I pray that you feel the Father’s loving arms around you and that He strengthens you for each new day. ❤

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      2. I have been writing on grief for past few days, you may read of you want to. Sharing do not lessen it but atleast let us know how others feel in similar situation. For me it just help me knowing, I am not wrong, my feelings are normal.

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