No More “Quiet Mouse” For Me

Believe me, I’ve imposed my share of“Quiet Mouse” on my own kids through the years.

Raising four close-in-age siblings, sometimes that was the only way to make the last five miles home without losing my mind.

But the premise of the game is really this:  I’m bigger, I’m stronger, I’m in control and you are not-so shut up.

Even if you have something important to say.  

Even if you feel like you will burst wide open if you have to hold it in.

No excuses allowed.  Just. Be. Quiet.

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Peace at all costs.

I’ve been a quiet mouse for most of my life when it comes to standing up for myself.

Now, advocating for my children or for someone unable to fend for themselves-that’s another story.  But somewhere in my formative years I embraced the message that the most important thing in the world was to keep the peace.

Even if you have something important to say.

Even if you feel like you will burst wide open if you have to hold it in.

No excuses allowed.  Just. Be. Quiet.

But all this emotional turmoil I’ve been feeling since Dominic left us has uncovered layer after layer of brokenness, pain and untold stories.  His death lifted the lid on the vault that had been sealed for decades.

Emotions are flying out like genies.

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And I’ve come to understand that peace at all costs-when the costs are borne by a single individual in a relationship-is not peace. 

It’s slavery.

I also realize that not every friendship and family tie is a mission field on which I must spill my life’s blood to prove my love for Jesus.

Sometimes laying down simply enables bad behavior and encourages bullying and disrespect.  

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I want to walk in love.  Always. 

But love does not mean I must allow other people to walk all over me.  

I don’t plan to. 

No more “Quiet Mouse” for me.

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Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

4 thoughts on “No More “Quiet Mouse” For Me”

  1. I was a quiet mouse and also a people pleaser. wanted everyone to like me. was almost a chameleon. afraid to even share my thoughts, especially if they werent the same as the person I was with. now I just dont care. I speak my thoughts even if they disagree with someone else. always being kind or try. the only approval I need now is from God

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  2. Me too Melanie! I’ve had to be a “quiet mouse” all my life. I grew up with a domineering father. I wasn’t allowed to question. I wasn’t allowed to have an opinion and I wasn’t allowed to cry when he scolded me.
    As a result when I’d see people treating me wrong or I was unhappy with how things are run I’d have a tough time speaking up. Especially in the moment. I’d brew for a long time before finally dealing with it IF I dealt with it at all. I can speak candidly with my husband but not others as I always want to keep the peace. If I said what I really though…oh boy!
    I’m getting better though and I realize it’s not healthy to stuff everything and allow people to take advantage of me.
    I feel so much disappointment in people and I wonder (with some of them) if it’s even worth expressing myself because they probably won’t even get it. It’d go right over their head. Some I did explain what we need as bereaved parents or how to help families who struggle with mental illness. It fell on deaf ears.

    Thanks again for sharing. Your courage is inspiring.

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  3. “And I’ve come to understand that peace at all costs-when the costs are borne by a single individual in a relationship-is not peace.

    It’s slavery.”

    So very true. We end up imprisoned by a desperate struggle to keep the peace.

    “I also realize that not every friendship and family tie is a mission field on which I must spill my life’s blood to prove my love for Jesus.

    Sometimes laying down simply enables bad behavior and encourages bullying and disrespect.”

    Maybe the clearest testimony of our faith is the admission that we can’t fix everything – that we don’t even know how to respond correctly to the circumstances we find ourselves in, yet we long to respond the way Jesus would. We find ourselves dissatisfied with the answers our culture embraces because it’s all too clear that we are avoiding conflict instead of working towards reconciliation and restoration.

    Such an important message . . . now if only I can find a Christlike way to live in unity with others (as much as it’s up to me) when I find myself at an impasse with others. To find a way to respond that doesn’t require me to carry all the blame in complicated situations – but instead acknowledges that it is enough to do my part – enough to confess and repent of my sins instead of expecting the other party to meet me halfway. That it’s enough to grant the Holy Spirit time to work in the hearts of all the individuals involved.

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    1. I will receive that prayer as my own, Janet. I think this tension is one of the most challenging parts of life-with or without any additional burdens.

      How to walk in love yet not assume responsibility that isn’t my own? How to be satisfied with, as you say, “doing my part” and accepting that someone else may very well choose not to do theirs?

      I take perverse comfort in the fact that Solomon was the wisest man to ever live and he still messed up by marrying all those wives! 🙂 I will just keep plodding along, asking for grace, and doing the best I can. ❤

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