I take great consolation in the fact that C.S. Lewis, a man who defended the Christian faith in an age of faithless reason was just as stricken by grief as I am.
All the research, all the thinking, all the gathering of truth he had hoarded in his heart for decades was no defense against unbearable loss and sorrow banging down the door.
He clung to Christ. So do I.
But he refused to deny his feelings. I will not deny mine.
Sorrow is no longer ALL I feel. And I am very thankful for that.
But this road still stretches before me, bends and twists and rises and falls.
It is, as Lewis says, “a process” and it will last a lifetime.
I thought I could describe a state; make a map of sorrow. Sorrow, however, turns out to be not a state but a process … There is something new to be chronicled every day. Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape … Not every bend does. Sometimes the surprise is the opposite one; you are presented with exactly the same sort of country you thought you had left behind miles ago.
~C. S. Lewis, A Grief Observed