International Bereaved Mother’s Day: An Open Letter to my Fellow Sisters in Loss

Dear Mama,

I know that you never-in your wildest imagination-thought that you would need a day set aside for your broken heart and your empty arms.  

Who thinks when they learn a new life is growing inside that this same life might be cut short?  What heart is brave enough to consider the possibility? 

Yet here you are.  

I’m so, so sorry.  

But there are a few things I want you to know.  There are some important truths to remember on this broken road-truths that can help you hold onto hope and finish strong.

You are not a failure.  I don’t care about those silly social media memes that are tossed around like candy from a Mardi Gras float.  You kept your baby or your child as safe as you knew how.  You are not omnipotent nor omniscient.  You did the best you could.  That’s all ANYONE can do.

no way to be a perfect mother child in arms

You are a mother even if you don’t have a single child to hold on earth. You have a child-just not one that others can see.  When people ask how many children you have, answer boldly and count the one (or more!) that wait for you in eternity.

love she holds in her heart

Your love is valid and worthy of expression.  Love for your missing child may look different than love for a child still walking the earth with you.  That’s OK.  Grief is love with no place to go.  Tears are fine.  Laughter is fine.  Speaking his name is your privilege.  Carrying her legacy is your honor.  No one gets to tell you how or when to express your heart.

mothers grow love intl bereaved mothers day

You are brave.  Bereaved mothers are not the only brave ones on this planet but they are some of the bravest ones I know.  You have received the heaviest blow a mama’s heart can know and you are still standing.  You get up every day and carry on.  You continue to love the people in your life and serve your family.  You have not given up although giving up would be the easiest thing to do.  Don’t discount your own courage.

You are strong-not because you want to be but because you have to be.  Other people depend on you and you are trying your best not to let them down.  It’s no compliment when someone says, “I just wouldn’t be able to survive.”  Because, really-what choice do we have? We bear up under the burden because the alternative is to further burden our families.

you are amazing strong and brave

You are beautiful.  Every time you look in the mirror and notice the circles under your eyes or the lines around your mouth, don’t think that makes you ugly.  They are scars-scars of love and sacrifice.  They bear witness to the fact that you choose to carry on and carry your child’s legacy even though it costs every ounce of energy and will you can muster.  You may not like the way you look in pictures, but trust me, you are beautiful.

beautiful mother bereaved moms day

You are a living legacy for your missing child.  You carry his light.  You honor her memory.  You keep it fresh and alive and present and refuse to let others forget or ignore it.

ill be your legacyYou have a story to tell so tell it.  Your story may be the key to unlock another mom’s prison.  We cannot do this alone.  We need one another.  Don’t let fear of being dismissed or misunderstood silence you.  Speak up.  Stand out.  Shout your truth for others to hear.


This day is for YOU.

It is set aside for all the mothers who love a child they can no longer hold. 

Observe it however is meaningful and healing for YOU. 

There’s no right way or wrong way to grieve.  

grief as timeless as love


Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

7 thoughts on “International Bereaved Mother’s Day: An Open Letter to my Fellow Sisters in Loss”

  1. My beautiful Brandi with you don’t have it with the Lord Jesus and I have a Lee family your sister your family and I love you well then we could ever say you live in Ohio tomorrow so I will be your mom ever and ever till we meet again my pretty girl and love you mom I love you mom 🌹😘😘🌹💜🌈💙💙🍼🧚🏼‍♂️💚🧡😇Thank you Lord Jesus that I have my firstborn daughter Dina Contri 🌹My son my son-in-law Thomas CONTRI 💙 my beautiful grandson Trey😇 and my little girl to come still in mommy‘s belly 🧚🏼‍♂️🙏🏼🌈 what a blessing thank you Jesus protect them all the days of their lives🌹🌈😇🧚🏼‍♂️💜💚🧡💙❤️💛❤️


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