Why I Say, “My Son Died.”

Died.  

It is a harsh word.

I understand completely that some parents don’t want to use it to describe their child and I respect that.

I have chosen to use it often (not always-sometimes I say “left” or “ran ahead to heaven”) because what happened IS harsh. I don’t want to soften it because there was nothing soft about it for me or my family.

It is heartbreaking, lonely, heavy, hard and utterly devastating. 

grief bubble

As a believer in the promises of Scripture, I use it because I want to paint a stark contrast between hopelessness without Christ and the hope I have because of the blood of Jesus applied to my heart and the heart of my son.

Without that assurance, the hopelessness would continue for eternity.

romans 10_9

But because of Jesus, while this reality is harsh, hard and heartbreaking, I have an eternity of rest, renewal and redemption to look forward to.

not ashamed

I think each of us finds our own path through this Valley and should say or use whatever word is best for our own heart.

This is simply one choice among many.  

I’m so sorry that we need ANY words to describe our child’s physical absence in this earthly journey. 

no evil can conquer grace forever

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

13 thoughts on “Why I Say, “My Son Died.””

  1. I too say died…I want to “jar” people with the truth of my pain…my loss…you should share in it…beings I am doing the heavy lifting of it!
    I have 4 children one of them my Jesse, Jesus just plucked him up and took home. There was never an answer found in the autopsy…live with that! Jesus just said “come on home, Jesse” and Jesse went. God I miss him so. When my first baby was born and I knew what love was…I begged God to never take my children before me because I could NOT survive it! I thought God and I had an understanding! I guess not.
    I am glad he has my baby..but I still want my Jesse but am glad for the 26 years I did have him. I will be with him again.

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    1. Thank you Kara and other parents for your words..I too feel the same mix of reactions,
      I say all of those things ..in the main I say ‘my son has gone to his new life with Jesus’, usually to be met with the LOOK , but I don’t care ..because he has! I didn’t want him too, nor would wish this on anyone. But that is one thing I do know where he is.
      Precious parents we WILL see them again, we will be reunited with our children. They are safe with Jesus. Believe. Trust and love one another.
      Living this life with a broken heart is another matter …you see that piece missing that ACHES is with my son , he took it with him so I can’t be whole again until we are reunited when the Lord decides. x

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  2. Pingback: This Is Why I Say, “My Son Died”. – thelifeididntchoose

  3. I also say my son died. I taught forensic science for 18 years and the euphemisms don’t come easily to me. Without the hope we find in Jesus I would not have survived. I truly would have gone insane. In Christ alone I place my trust and my son placed his trust. It’s all I have and it has to be enough.

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  4. My son took his life too. Caleb had severe depression and mental illness. When I speak of him to my husband, sometimes I say, “When Caleb left us,” because that’s what he did. He is in his Savior’s presence now and will never hurt again. As King David said after his baby son died, “He cannot return to me, but I will go to him.” I look forward to that day!

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    2. Same here. Our daughter, Adriana, left us at age 16. Or, I also think of it as Jesus saved her from her depression and further suffering. She/we tried many, many different treatments and medications (some traditional, some holistic/non-traditional) but she only continued to become more and more depressed; more and more isolated. No more. She is now joyously spending her time in the company of Jesus and all the angels who have gone ahead.

      Not to say that I wouldn’t rather she have been healed and remain with us. But she was so ill that Man could not heal her; only God could. With the “ultimate” healing.

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  7. I agree, Melanie. I cringe when I hear “passed away” My son died. He was murdered. I reserve pass away for peaceful deaths, natural causes and such. I also am not a fan of lost. I didn’t lose my son – he was taken away from me. Words matter.

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  8. Oh how I empathise with your choices of words to use. I too have that difficulty….”committed suicide,” I feel brings with it the awful chanc of judgement that I sometimes see in someone’s eyes. I prefer “took his own life.”
    My hope sustains me that Luke is God’s child and He woukd never forsake him 💔
    Our boys are safe back with their Father xxx

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