Nothing New Between Us

Why are the photographs of him as a little boy so incredibly hard to look at? Something is over. Now instead of those shiny moments being things we can share together in delighted memories, I, the survivor, have to bear them alone. So it is with all the memories of him. They all lead into blackness. All I can do is remember him, I cannot experience him. Nothing new can happen between us.

~Nicholas Wolterstorff, Lament for a Son

 

dominic and siblings little children at nannys

Death is never welcome.  

It is always a reminder that I live in a broken world where sickness and time, accidents and sinful choices press the life out of bodies and I am left behind to mourn.

But when people die at a ripe old age, I look back fondly on what they’ve done, where they’ve been, the legacy of work and love and family they leave behind.

No one lives forever.

In the back of my mind I can make room for that fact, even though I don’t like to bring it out and consider it very often.  Those that are much older than me will (all things being equal) leave this world before us.

I joined them. 

There is part of their lives I know nothing about.  And there will be part of mine they will not share.

But my child?

I have known my child since before he entered the light of this world!  I felt him in my womb.  I experienced who he was before anyone else met him.

I never, ever expected for my life to outlast his!

I always thought there would be new experiences between us, new memories to tuck away, new adventures to look forward to.  

Out of order death is unexpected, unnatural, unbelievable.  

“Nothing new between us.”  

Breaks my heart every time. 

handprint on my heart

 

 

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

4 thoughts on “Nothing New Between Us”

  1. Well said, a true statement only a grieving parent would be able to put into words. The emotion, hurt, constant wondering how they would mature, and who they would be. This haunts me everyday, the “new normal” is lonely without my daughter and true friend! I will push on, I will walk my path and love my Heavenly Father and earthly life. Jordan would’ve wanted it that way.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The ones for me are the ones that he is with his brothers or sister, being silly with friends. I miss watching him have fun with his siblings. I miss him coming in my room to chat with me about whatever. We all mourn the life he will never have.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sweet Melanie,
    Well said. You speak my heart. I cannot stay away from Jeff’s photos…but it hurts so. To never laugh and share memories with him, to have “nothing new between us”, it is a dark place. Sending love your way💛💙

    Liked by 1 person

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