Did God Take My Child?

This is a question that comes up all the time in bereaved parents’ groups:  Did God take my child?

Trust me, I’ve asked it myself.  

How you answer this question can mean the difference between giving up or going on, between turning away or trusting.

So this is MY answer.  The one I’ve worked out through study, prayer and many, many tears.  You may disagree.  That’s just fine.  I only offer it because it might be helpful to some struggling and sorrowful soul.

I believe that God is the Author of life and the arbiter of death. What that means (to me) is that He is ultimately in control of everything and could (if He chose) intervene and stop the death of any person if He wanted to.

Nothing and no one is stronger nor more powerful than God.

However, we live in a fallen world where sin has tainted the original creation God declared “good”. So there are natural disease processes, genetic malformations, undetected birth defects (that may go unknown until well into adulthood like heart defects) that lead to death.

God does not intervene each time-but He could.

People make sinful and foolish choices that have natural consequences. My son was going way too fast in a curve on his motorcycle. God did not override my son’s free will (just as He does not override our free will all day every day) and my son ran off the road.

There are universal physical and biological laws that most of us are thankful for each day that then took over in my son’s case and doomed his motorcycle to certain paths and his body to certain death when it impacted the ground.

God didn’t intervene but He could have.

Job was ultimately protected by the fences God placed around his person. I believe each of us are too.

Yet God is weaving a bigger tapestry, writing a bigger story than only the part that includes me and my family.  So my son’s death and the changes it has wrought in me, in others that knew and loved him and even further out into the world are part of God’s big story.

I have made peace with the fact that I do not understand nor like what God has done in my life by allowing my son to die, but I will trust His loving character and wait to see how it will be redeemed in eternity.

No, God did not TAKE my son. But He allowed his death.

I gain more comfort in a God Who could have saved my son but chose not to, than a God Who does not have that power.

His word declares that He keeps my tears in His bottle. 

I believe it. 

And I believe that one day He will redeem every one and restore what my heart has lost.  

you keep track of all my tears

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

35 thoughts on “Did God Take My Child?”

  1. I too have lost a 21 year old son. He was the joy of my life and yes it hurts bad. I think we all have the answers we just have to read our story over and over if need be. Since there is death in this world The almighty has chosen all of us to share and show love and comfort to the people who have comforted us. If it didn’t hurt we would not share. little by little we are healed by healing others of there tragic loses. Romans 8:28. He has chosen us to help him and all you that has shared has blessed God.

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  3. Pingback: So, Did God TAKE My Child? – thelifeididntchoose
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  5. We lost our beautiful, loving, precious son at the age of 20 two and one half years ago. Satan reared his ugly head that night and my son was murdered by 4 thugs that didn’t know him from Adam. My son was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I believe with all of my heart that God did not take him, he received him. I WILL see my son again in God’s Kingdom.

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  6. I don’t understand this. My 16 year old daughter was a good, sweet person. Why didn’t God give her a miracle and cure her cancer? Why weren’t our prayers answered? I will never understand.

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  8. I haven’t struggled with the thought of God TAKING my child; rather, before Jason died, my fervent prayers night after night after night (I’d wake up at 3 a.m. most nights, go downstairs and pray and pray) were for God to PROTECT my kids – from harm, from being led astray, for their friendships, for their future spouses. I truly believed that the fervent, effectual prayers availed much in the kingdom of God and for my family. But, then He didn’t protect Jason from a drunk driver going twice the speed limit. That and many other things we have walked through have led to many questions to which I have no answers.

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  9. Pingback: Did God Take My Child? – thelifeididntchoose | Loss, Grief, Bereavement and Life Transitions Resource Library

  10. I agree. but I do not agree that everyone who died will be redeemed. those who believe in God will. my Lydia didnt believe in God. that is my unbearable pain. I will never see her again. I cant wait until the day I get to die to be out of this pain

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    1. I’m so sorry that you carry that additional burden. You are right-those who refuse God’s free gift of salvation through His Son, Jesus are not redeemed. I don’t know the circumstances of your daughter’s death but I do know that even a last breath can be used to receive that gift. I pray it was so for her. ❤️

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    2. We can’t make ourselves believe what we “should,” other than to lie to ourselves. Her experience led her, and she was honest. I hope you are surprised.

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    3. Hi Sandy. Please accept my condolences for your loss. I lost my son to a fentanyl overdose. I was horrified that he had not accepted Jesus yet. Then my friends, whom l had prayed with over the salvation of my son, told me not to worry. They reminded me that my son had been saved. Even though l did not get to see the fruit of my prayers, my prayers were answered, l believe, because of these scriptures.

      “Truly l tell you that If two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.” Matt 18:19

      “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentence.” 2 Pet:3:9

      “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us – whatever we ask – we know that we have what we asked of him.” 1 John 5:14-15

      I had asked my Father in heaven several times, with many friends, to save my son, which is the will of God. I did not see it, but l can believe it, because God’s word is true. Amen.

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  11. My son’s life choices were not good, but he was a truly good person. If it had to happen, it happened the way I would have wanted, which is the way God planned, so, for that, I am thankful. I know my son was tempted by Satan, but I also know that God, in His Divine Mercy, stepped in and saved my son so the devil (demon) could tempt him no more. My son was (IS !) saved. Thank you, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I will see you again, my truest and deepest love. Melanie, your writings are a God-send.

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  12. Thank you, Melanie, for your blog. I just recently found it on Facebook. I am so sorry for your loss of your precious son, Dominic. God has used you and your words, wisdom, experience, faith, and transparency to minister to my heart.

    God took our almost 21 year old son, Jared, to heaven very unexpectedly after a brief illness 22 months ago. I am comforted and blessed that God allows other faith-filled mothers like you to walk along beside me on this indescribably painful journey we would have never signed up for. But I’m confident that God uses our pain and brokenness to grow us and to help comfort and encourage others, as we make a firm decision every single day to trust Him completely that His plans for us and our children in heaven are good, even though so painful right now.

    May the Hope of the Lord and Eternity give you strength & comfort as you miss Dominic on this earth, each and every moment of every single day. Thank you for being a gift in the midst of your own brokenness.

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  13. I wrote a blog sort of like this one but… I believe that Satan took my daughter’s life. God allowed, but Satan took. That’s my final answer.

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  14. I fully agree with this explanation. Thank you for stating it clearly and logically based on scripture. You have blessed many with an explanation that provides truth and peace.

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  15. Thank you for this post. I feel that after almost 5 years of life without our 22 year old daughter, Christy, I understand why God choose her and choose us. He didn’t cure her from rare aggressive cancer, he could have. Christy was that good, we were already devout Catholics. Praying over her, prayer chains across the world, praying around her bed together with the nurses at St John’s hospital, nothing work accept God’s mercy for Christy. He choose to take her home to paradise, he knew it would break our hearts but he choose to take her out of her pain, how could I be mad at God for that. Grief is hard but at some point it because selfish. We need to honor our child and more than anything honor God for his love. I have decided to use our loss of our beloved daughter for the good of God. I carry my cross high and will tell anyone that wants to know about our journey. I could just help someone see God’s love.

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  16. Excellent post, Melanie. Like you, I believe we serve a sovereign God who could have chosen to save both your son, Dominic and and two of my sons, Russell and Cullen. But He chose not to. As angry as I was at one time at God, I am comforted that He is indeed in control, not I, and no happening is random or catches God off guard. He has a plan and has been in the process of carrying it out from eternity past…and that plan included His allowing the deaths of our sons. Like you, I don’t like it, but my thoughts are not His thoughts as my ways are not His. It is a difficult path we have been chosen to walk, but He is with us every step of the way. Thank you for sharing. Your posts minister to my heart.

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  17. I feel this same way, but it took me awhile to get to this point. When my son first took his own life. I was so angry at God. I kept saying over, and over you took the wrong one! I have another son who has been struggling with depresssion, and suicidal thoughts for a very long time. We expected this news only not for the son it came for. It took me months to realize God didn’t take him he allowed him free will to take his own life.

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    1. I hope your remaining son doesn’t feel like the wrong one was taken. I’m so sorry for you and your puzzling situation. It’s so hard to cope with the inexplicable. Perhaps you might use his death as fuel to help your remaining son?

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  18. I too struggle with God’s choices… when my son was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I prayed day and night. He was on every prayer chain and prayed over by many holy men. Yet he died. God’s Will; not mine. But, what I struggle with more is well meaning Christians who spout ‘ the Power of Prayer” each time their prayers bring desired results!! Really? Were my prayers not as powerful?? Or did these other people just hit the ‘spiritual jackpot’ With the correct answer to theirs prayers!!

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  19. ❤ Very well said. I like to think of Jesus "receiving" Joel into Himself and His Heavenly kingdom. But if anyone chooses to use "took" I don't feel qualified to argue based on Job 1:21-22: "'Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.' In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing." There is so much beyond my understanding. I am so glad we serve a God of love and restoration. ❤ ❤ ❤

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  21. When Luke chose to end his life, I too at first thought why oh why didn’t you step in Lord? However, if firmly believe God allowed Luke’s act out of compassion.
    I love how you expressed this Melaine “I gain more comfort in a God Who could have saved my son but chose not to, than a God Who does not have that power.”

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  22. Oh Melanie, how I have wrestled with God over this. I, too, have come to your same conclusion. I can (and sometimes do) dwell on
    WHY?
    He could. He can. He didn’t.
    WHY?
    WHY is my 4 year old grandson without his momma for the rest of his life? I cannot answer that. On dark days, I’m still stuck right there. But I’m so grateful that you have penned this battle so beautifully. I so so needed this. Thank you.

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