I told the two children with me that morning that we were going to survive this awful blow.
And we have.
It has been hard and ugly and more painful than anything else we’ve ever had to do.
But we’re still standing.
And I want to encourage the hearts that are just starting down this broken road: You really CAN make it.
Some of you reading this are saying, “But I don’t want to make it. I want to lie down and give up and be out of this pain.”
I don’t blame you.
That’s precisely how my heart felt for months and months. The only thing that kept me holding onto hope was a strong desire that my precious family not have to bury another person they loved. It was enough to force my lungs to draw one more breath, and then another, and then another.
The breaths turned into minutes turned into hours turned into days-then weeks, months and finally, years.
Here I am, six plus years into this Valley and I can tell you this:
Sorrow is no longer all I feel and my son’s absence no longer all I see.
Yes, every single minute grief runs like background noise in my brain. I can go from OK to devastated in a heartbeat.
Yes, I miss Dominic like crazy.
I miss the family we used to have.
I miss the me I used to be.
But I am also living, loving and even laughing my way through many days.
I can go from tearful to joyful in a heartbeat too. I am even more grateful for the children that walk the earth with me. I try harder to be present, to listen, to lean in and love more fully.
The broken me is a more compassionate woman who knows the value of a minute spent with someone you love.
I’ve learned to shift the weight of grief to one hip and make room for other things.
It’s going to stay hard.
But with God’s help, I’m strong enough to make it.
6 thoughts on “Shifting The Weight, Bearing the Burden”
Thank you Melanie for your words of wisdom & encouragement to my sad heart. I started praying for courage real early on . Strength goes with courage, grace & peace. Comfort all go together for all of us. You’re words that God gives to you speak what I feel but can’t express. God has used you to help & encourage us all so much. You’re the friend that I wish I had that I could call & know you’d always be there. Praying for you!!! God bless you thru your difficult journey!!!!
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Thank you for your kind words. It helps my heart to know that writing and posting each day encourages others to hold onto hope. ❤
I am a newbie only 9 months in but the urge to leave this earth and be with Paul is still present albeit weaker than it was. My husband shares this feeling with me but we know we must wait our turn. Our two remaining sons and our grandchildren help to keep us grounded. If only I could go see Paul and hug him and just tell him I love him then come right back. Is that asking too much?
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This summer has been harder than I expected Melanie…your thoughts always come as a comfort and strengthener. Blessed be God for directing me to you xxx
I am so sorry Carol! I understand well. It’s been the hardest year for me since Dominic ran ahead to heaven because of all kinds of unexpected and unpleasant things happening. Add our continued and always present burden of missing and sorrow and it’s easy to feel hopeless. I pray that you feel the Lord near and that His Spirit whispers, “peace” to yours. Thank you for always taking time to comment. That encourages me so very much. ❤