Here’s The Post I’ve Wanted To Write But Couldn’t Before Today

My husband was sued for discrimination by a disgruntled employee. The whole thing started heating up just after Dominic ran ahead to Heaven in 2014.  The suit was filed just before Christmas 2015.

We’ve been living with this awful thing hanging over our heads for nearly 3 years.  Thankfully, the truth prevailed and my husband was exonerated.

But it took a huge toll on both of us and on our whole family.

I sat in a courtroom a few days ago feeling nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

I was waiting for a verdict that had the potential to change the rest of my life but I could not muster a single feeling.

Because when you’ve watched your child’s body lowered beneath the ground, there’s really not much else the world can do to you.

I stared straight ahead as the jury walked in.  I didn’t dare hope that they had found in our favor.  I’ve learned that hoping for the best sometimes only hurts a heart worse in the end.  Better to expect absolutely nothing and then if you get a tiny something, it feels huge.

In agonizing slow motion, the long verdict form was read.

The first question offered a sliver of hope.

But we had to wait thirty more minutes for the hope to be confirmed.

It was oh, so slow and very frustrating as the jury was polled, mistakes in counting were made, recounts were required but finally the numbers were recorded and everything was squared away.

Now on to the individual verdict form.  Was my husband going to be held accountable for something he simply did not do?  Was there still a shred of justice in this world?  Could 12 strangers sift through three weeks of complex and often conflicting testimony and get down to the truth?

Yes!

They could and they did!

We both let out the breath we’d been holding and managed a tiny smile.

Twenty-one days in court, nearly three years with this lawsuit dangling like Damocles’ sword over our heads-over in the short minutes it took to read the verdict.

This trial has cost me more tears than I thought I had left.

Every legal pad pulled out of leather brief cases was a reminder that Dominic should be here with us, guiding us, reassuring us that he was on our side and no matter how things turned out there would be ways to make it right.

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I cannot adequately express the toll this season has taken on my soul.  

But I am overjoyed that the Lord saw fit to reach down and assure the victory.  

If you see me on the street I might look a little dazed.  It’s hard to accept something good has happened when all you’ve come to expect is something bad.  So it may take me a few days to grow into an expression that reflects the beauty of the gift.

Bear with me. 

I am so, so thankful.

Thankful for every prayer raised, for every encouraging text, message, email and card.

And thankful most of all for the absolute assurance that no matter what I may face in this life, not only is God with me, but you are with me as well. 

It’s easy to be courageous when there are so many faithful friends standing behind you.  

Thank you.  ❤

when anxiety was strong

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

22 thoughts on “Here’s The Post I’ve Wanted To Write But Couldn’t Before Today”

  1. Pingback: Scripture Journal Challenge: When My Heart Needs a Reminder – thelifeididntchoose

  2. Want to add my “yahoos and hallelujahs” to this victory!!… and to add a comment about this quote of yours that really hits home:
    “I’ve learned that hoping for the best sometimes only hurts a heart worse in the end. Better to expect absolutely nothing and then if you get a tiny something, it feels huge.” ….. saddens me that this is the reality of life after burying Jacob. I often feel like Eeyore.

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  3. Thank you for sharing this with your friends near and far, Melanie. Thankful for your husband, you and your family. Justice often waits until heaven (We know that!) but so glad that you saw our justice system work with truth reigning. It is hard to expect a good outcome with all you have been through – so true! May you be able to relax as a couple and family, and rejoice together.
    Jeni
    Jeff’s momma

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  6. What a weight to be lifted. Yes it must have taken it’s toll on a heart already heavy. You give so much of yourself to us all, take a breath and both recuperate, you most certainly deserve to.
    Bless you both and your family ❤

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  7. So great to read about this, Melanie. Time to “refuel” and for self care, however that happens for you..Pretty amazing you could give so much with such a worry. Thanks!!!!!

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      1. Thank you Joy! I’m beginning to. This morning I woke to the sounds of birds and my cat purring. Drinking coffee as I watch the sun rise. Wonderful relief! ❤

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  8. So happy that truth prevails. I am reminded that God will restore multiple fold what the enemy tried to steal. I am reminded also that I read ahead to the back of the Book and…We Won!! May God show you reminders this day that He loves you. In fact, He thought you were to die for! We love your ministry.

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    1. Thank you so much Judy! I hold onto every precious promise that in Christ is “yes!” and “amen!”. He is with us in the trials (literal and figurative). ❤

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  9. Happy to hear the truth came out. I know the feeling you describe about being numb. The worst has already happened and what could be worse!

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