Things I CAN Control

When I opened the door to that deputy and received the news, my world suddenly spiraled out of control.

Over the next days, weeks months I would have to do things I never imagined I might do and certainly things I did not WANT to do.  So, so much I couldn’t change.  So many ways I lost the right to choose.  

And I hated it!  

Wasn’t long and that sense of helplessness permeated every corner.  Even when it didn’t belong there.  I began to feel as if I couldn’t control anything.

So in many ways I stopped trying.  

But then one day I woke from the fog of despair.  I remembered that there WERE some areas of life where I could still make choices.

And it was empowering!  

So here’s a list that I pray gives hope to other hurting hearts.

THINGS I CAN CONTROL

• My attitude (how I react to what others say or do)
• My thoughts (with great difficulty sometimes)
• My perspective (when I’m careful to fill my mind, heart and eyes with truth)
• If I’m honest (about ALL things-including my feelings)
• Who my friends are (from my end-can’t stop people from walking away)
• What books I read (I am choosy and only read things that feed my soul)
• What media I consume (stay away from toxic people, topics and television)
• What type of food I eat (healthy, appropriate amounts)
• How often I exercise (a walk, gentle yoga, online video routines)
• How many risks I take (not just physical ones, but also emotional and relational risks)
• How kind I am to others (being wounded does not give me the right to wound)
• How I interpret situations (do I assume the best or the worst?)
• How kind I am to myself (extending the same grace to ME that I extend to others)
• How often and to whom I say, “I love you”
• How often and to whom I say, “Thank you”
• How I express my feelings (I can learn healthy ways to speak my truth)
• Whether or not I ask for help (no one gets “points” for playing the martyr)
• How many times I smile in a day (smiling, by itself, lifts mood-even a “fake” smile)
• The amount of effort I choose to put forth
• How I spend my money
• How much time I spend worrying (or praying or complaining)
• How often I spend moments blaming myself or others for past actions
• Whether or not I judge other people
• Whether or not I try again when I suffer a setback or disappointment (success is getting up one more time than I fall down)
• How much I appreciate the people and things in my life

Exercising control over the parts of my life where I CAN exercise control helps me deal more effectively with the many parts over which I have no control

It does not undo the sorrow and pain of child loss, but it does work to balance the emotional scales. 

It makes it easier to face a new day.  

It helps me hold onto hope.  

And that is a good thing.  ❤

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation. View all posts by Melanie