When People Think You Don’t Cry Anymore

I’m approaching five years since Dominic ran ahead to Heaven and I’m pretty sure that most folks think I don’t cry anymore. 

I don’t blame them really-I haven’t broken down in public in more than a year.  

But I’ve still spent plenty of nights softly sobbing myself to sleep. 

And when no one is looking, no one is listening and no one is close enough to notice, more than one tear has slid down my cheek during daylight.  

I am no more reconciled to this life I didn’t choose than I was five years ago.  

I know I cannot change it.  

I endure it.

But I hate it. 

breaks your heart in ways you can't imagine

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

9 thoughts on “When People Think You Don’t Cry Anymore”

  2. Melanie~ what I love about your writing is that you are so very honest, which helps your fellow bereaved parents immensely; and at the same, your faith is never compromised! We are coming up on 9 years since we lost Robert, and every word you said here is true for me, too. I cried through almost half of church Sunday, (in public!) because the youth choir sang On Eagles Wings, which Robert sang SO many times, and it was sung at his service. God’s blessings to you!

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  3. I still cry since my husband passed almost three years ago. I can be busy, and happy one minute and tears in another. There is no time limit, it happens whenever. I believe the day I leave this earth, tears will be on my cheeks. Tears of joy, for I will see my husband, Ronnie, my mom and dad, my husband’s parents and many more loved ones and friends. Praise God I look for that day! But it is in God’s time, so tears will go on until he calls me while I am on earth. God Bless !

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  4. I too endure the pain of missing my daughter. Even 3 years ago I cried in public. It’s not possible for me hide my pain all the time. Why should I not? I miss my daughter. Besides, it’s all good and necessary. Hugs.

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  6. Thanks for your honesty Melanie. I’m coming up to 5 years in October and was worried about the fact that I still cry so often- never in front of people, but then I never did cry in front of others.
    It helps so much when you share without pretence. Thank you so much

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  7. Time is marching on as the date Dominic ran ahead comes around. I am sure that in this period we get more and more hyped as it gets nearer. How can our tears not fall? How can our hearts not shatter? How do we bear it? We do because we know that whatever is happening to us here, our child is safe in His care.
    As the tears of all us bereaved parents mingle with each others, Christ is walking with us catching them all for us.
    💔

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  8. I am at 17 years and can honestly say the same thing: “I am no more reconciled to this life I didn’t choose than I was seventeen years ago. I know I cannot change it. I endure it. But I hate it.” I, too, cry at night and when no one sees. Grief lasts as long as love does – forever – and sometimes that includes expressing it with tears.

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