For my fellow Christ followers, my early morning post may have been a disappointment.
We’re all schooled in the “right” things to say in the midst of a trial, aren’t we?
“God is good!”
“I know the end of the story!”
“Death doesn’t have the last word!”
And on, and on, and on….
True. Every single one of them.
And yet…
If we are honest (and often we are not, because spiritual honesty is absolutely underrated in the church) we will also have to admit that KNOWING all those things doesn’t minimize pain.
It only makes it tolerable.
But I don’t want leave anyone doubting for one minute that God has been faithful these past five years.
He most certainly HAS.
He has been a silent Source of hope and strength and breath and grace. He has lifted my head when I couldn’t do it myself. He has sent His faithful flock to minister to my needs and the needs of my family. He has held me when I would have let go.
I have wrestled and questioned and even shouted but I’ve never, ever doubted He was here.
I wish I could tell you that there was some super-spiritual moment when He assured me of Dominic’s safety in Heaven, but there hasn’t been.
I wish I could tell you of a morning when His love and assurance and Presence washed over me to take away the angst, but I can’t.
What I can say is that the Word I hid in my heart before this awful pain was also lodged there has been enough. That deep well of living water has been more than adequate to quench my thirsty soul. The torch of truth has been sufficient light along even this black-as-night path.
My faith is still just that-faith.
I don’t have special revelation nor an extra dose of grace.
I’m just following my Shepherd, trusting that He will lead me Home.
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Peace and love to your family today. So beautiful written as all of your writing. I wish you lived by me (northwest of Chicago) so we could be friends. ❤️❤️❤️
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Well said. I love your spiritual honesty. Life is real. Faith should be, too. Thank you for sharing your heart and your faith so honestly.
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Your honesty, in earlier post this morning, and in each of your posts, is your truth spoken and shared with many. Your honesty gives voice and “permission”, so-to-speak, for those who follow you to speak honesty on their journeys. In no way does honesty about child loss diminish or weaken faith in God. God can take whatever broken hearts speak. Your honesty is a testament to life lived as well at it can be through the loss of Dominic. May you and your family continue to be sustained and embraced today and in your days to come.
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So beautifully written. Thank you Melanie.
One thing I appreciate most about your posts is your honesty in the pain. To me it doesn’t minimise the glory God gets for carrying us, but I believe actually glorifies him MORE when we speak truth about the horror of the pain of childloss and yet how his grace carries us.
Since my daughter died, one thing I’ve been determined to do is be authentic about the pain- not to succumb to the way we’ve been ‘churched’ into saying the right thing, or forced to paste a smile on a broken heart simply for the comfort of others, or to assure them our faith isn’t dying- But to cling to faith while being honest about the pain is where I think God wants our hearts to be too. Because he hasn’t promised to take it away, only to be with us in it. And he hasn’t said that to have faith is to conjure up positivity in the face of devastation, and he hasn’t said that faith will make the pain any less. But if we focus on what he HAS said, then we do find a way to live with a life we’d never choose, even while it is so painful.
So thank you for your continued honesty – which is more of a spiritual comfort to me than any pat-spiritual answered, silver linings or rebukes. It helps me to feel less alone in the pain and encourages me that being in pain is not a measure of my faith, just a right reflection of where we are in this story. We are not home yet. Our hearts are not whole yet. And our children are still separated from us.
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Keep holding on xxx
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So eloquent as always Melanie. May the good Lord sustain you and your family always.
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