Man Proposes, God Disposes

I learned this lesson years ago.  

As a matter of fact, I had a cute little picture on my fridge of a sinking ship that said. “Another day, another disaster”.  

That was before I had actually lived through disaster. 

Now it’s engraved on my heart as well as my mind.  

I think I’m in control.  I think my “to do” list determines a day.  I think I can set the alarm and set my agenda.

But I’m not.  It doesn’t and I can’t.  

loved by the one in control

Last week I was rocking and rolling, moving and grooving.  Making molehills out of mountains and working my list.

Today I’m sitting in my chair, heating pad on my back, barely able to move. 

My body hates me.  

This is the hardest part of chronic illness and lifelong grief-I want to be able to plan ahead, make progress, achieve momentum and finish tasks.  But I just can’t.  I can’t be sure when I go to bed that the next day is going to be anything like what I hope it will be.

If you think weather forecasts are unpredictable, they are solid compared to my life.

And while I absolutely, positively accede God is in control, is sovereign, does not answer to me or anyone else and can order my life and the world as He sees fit; I would love, love, love to have two days in a row that followed a pattern of positive progress.

dear stress lets break up

So I’m just a *little* bit frustrated.  

I know I need to adjust my expectations.  

I’m trying. 

Really.  

 

whenyoucan27tcontrolthewindadjustyoursails

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

7 thoughts on “Man Proposes, God Disposes”

  1. Once again you are spot on … your journey so closely coincides with my own. I don’t feel quite so alone. Thank you once more.
    I had to laugh when you wrote that ‘my body hates me’!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I always tell my wife, “those who plan ahead are doomed to commit it.” She loves to make lists upon lists. I’m more free spirited. I get the lists. Makes you feel like you’ve accomplished something. Something I do a little more since I’ve retired from my job. No deadlines anymore. Like today, I’ll vacuum the house, but I’ve learned that that’s about all I can do because my shoulders and feet will really hurt after doing that. Something about pushing and pulling a vacuum cleaner does that. I’m going to give reading a try again. The stack of five magazines need to be read. Oh….. Just checked the weather, the rest of the week is supposed to be windy and cooling off. Today…nice. I think I’ll head to the rifle range and shoot my rifle. Been wanting to do that since I reloaded some ammo for it last fall. I’ve found shooting to be a wonderful distraction, not only for my chronic pain but also for grief. No list today…I’m off to the range. Need to shower and do therapy for my feet first. Hope your back gets better. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

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