There is so much work to do in grief.
I had to sort through feelings, sort through my son’s belongings and sort through the scattered shards of my faith.
I picked each piece up carefully, turned it over and over and was forced to determine whether I could still believe.
It took time-not because God was elusive or silent-but because circumstances demanded that I figure out how child loss, God’s sovereignty, His goodness and His love fit together.
And what I realized was that there is no middle ground. Either it was all true (even though I still had unanswered questions) and everything was going to be alright or none of it was true and nothing would ever be alright again.
Either God is God or He’s not.
I love this quote from Elisabeth Elliot:
Now if I had had a faith that was determined God had to give me a particular kind of answer to my particular prayers, that faith would have disintegrated. But my faith had to be founded on the character of God Himself. And so, what looked like a contradiction in terms: God loves me; God lets this awful thing happen to me … I had to leave in God’s hands and say okay, Lord, I don’t understand it. I don’t like it. But I only had two choices. He is either God or He’s not. I am either held in the Everlasting Arms or I’m at the mercy of chance and I have to trust Him or deny Him. Is there any middle ground? I don’t think so.
~Elisabeth Elliot, Suffering is Never for Nothing
Jesus told His disciples to expect life to be full of trouble.
I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace. In the world you have tribulation and distress and suffering, but be courageous [be confident, be undaunted, be filled with joy]; I have overcome the world.” [My conquest is accomplished, My victory abiding.]
~Jesus (John 16:33 AMP)
But He also promised they wouldn’t be alone.
And I will be with you, day after day, to the end of the age.
~Jesus (Matthew 28:20 VOICE)