Why Am I Still Writing About Loss Five Years Out?

I was one of those people years ago who set her sights on starting and maintaining a blog.  

I thought I would post a few times a week and share anecdotes about my family and critters, insight into daily living and inspiration from Scripture and interesting quotes. 

No, not THIS blog-the other two I started and quickly abandoned to who-knows-where in cyberspace.

Trouble was that the subject matter, while near and dear to my heart, wasn’t personally compelling enough to keep me disciplined and actively writing. 

If someone had said, “Pick any topic to write about”, child loss wouldn’t have been in the first million choices.

No one CHOOSES child loss (Thus the name of the blog:  The Life I Didn’t Choose).

But untold numbers of parents EXPERIENCE it every year.  This very day,  parents somewhere got a knock on the door or a phone call or sat next to a hospital bed as life slipped slowly from their child’s tired body.

Since I was already journaling and had walked this Valley for nearly a year and a half, it dawned on me that the ramblings I’d put down might be helpful to another heart.  So I started THIS blog in September, 2015.

And I’ve been here ever since.  

I’m not in the raw, breathless place I once was.  But grief and loss are part of every breath I take, part of every moment I experience.

whole in my heart mama

I miss Dominic.  I still consider death an enemy.  Every day I hate what was stolen and long for what was.  I mourn the changes grief has wrought in my family.  I wish things were different.  I discover new ways loss impacts my life and new ways of coping with it.

So I keep writing.  

I don’t want anyone to feel alone in this journey.  I don’t want anyone to think there’s no way to survive.   I don’t want a single broken heart to doubt that God is here and that He will help you hold onto hope. 

me too sharing the path

I’ll spill my heart out in words until the words are exhausted. 

It helps me.

I pray it helps others too. 

hope holds a breaking heart together


Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

20 thoughts on “Why Am I Still Writing About Loss Five Years Out?”

  1. Please keep “spilling your heart to us.” Yesterday was 365 days since I lost my son, Zach, to complications from leukemia. Your heart expresses my heart in a way that no one else has reached. It is a release of pent up emotion for me to know others feel this way. To know this is your 7th year of grieving for your child shows me that I will not be “crazy” to feel the same way in my future. God bless you ! God is calling you for his purpose!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Melanie, I read your posts every morning (most times before that first sip of coffee!) My son Garrett left us just over a year ago and I am still numb. Grief ambushes me and when I share your posts with my family and a few devoted friends who have stayed, it is an attempt through YOUR words to tell them how I feel and what I am going through. I can’t put it like you do. I can’t express in words the raw feelings. I can’t make them understand I am not the same person I was before and never will be. If you ever doubt that all the years you have spent with pen in hand doesn’t matter, dear Melanie, they did and they continue to matter. Blessings upon you and your family. You are loved.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Melanie, thank you for your continued support through your writings. There has been so many times I just want to give up, but with your help, I continue to find ways to cope.


  4. My daughter passed 4 years ago.
    I appreciate having a place to share my thoughts and read the thoughts of others who understand.
    Thank you for your writings. It is easy to feel solitary. I am blessed and grateful that through my grief I have come to know that God is always holding me up.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Your words help my heart to finally express what I feel. I’m deeply thankful that you have created this and continue to write! I wish this was different from the loss we have experienced, but I am so comforted by all you write. I am not alone and I’m not crazy( I don’t think)🤔

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you so much for writing. Your words are a comfort. I can see my journey has really only started even though it’s been 2 years now. Blessing to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Melanie Please keep writing!!! This blog helps me so much, I am so glad I found it! I too have lost a son, he was only 17. I am very early in my mourning, May 7th, it hurts everyday! It’s nice to know that I am not alone in this horrible journey. I too have other children that I need to make sure have a happy life. I just want joy to return.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Melanie,
    You articulate what I feel & I feel hope also reading your blog. I have lived 9 years without my son’s physical presence. His death is my challenge daily in terms of dealing with daily life & milestones. We find strength together. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Your blog is the first thing I read each morning. I am amazed at how many times your words are exactly what I need to hear. Even after almost 4 years I am still very lost and your words are a way to realize that there are many people walking the same lonely walk. I do have one special friend.that I can discuss anything I need to with but even then there is that realization that she doesnt completely understand. Only someone who has been here can. So your words are a comfort that I have come to rely on. Thanks for sharing your journey with me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry you share this pain and loss. I’m thankful the blog helps your heart. What a gift your special friend is! I pray that the Lord continues to overwhelm your heart with His grace, love and mercy. ❤


  10. This journey would truly be much harder without your words. Your gift is to put the jumbled and confusing feelings of a grieving mother into coherent paragraphs. I forward your blog to friends and relatives and ask them to please, please read them. Then, maybe they will have an idea of what I am trying to survive. You’re farther along the path and your words give me hope. I’m also not in the terribly raw grief and have gone forward with my life but there are setbacks. Friday we had to put our son’s 17 year old dog to sleep. I had taken care of him in the 3 years since David died. It was another tangible link that was broken. You’ve walked many paths that I’ve walked. Thank you for still taking the time to care for those of us still finding our way.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so very sorry that you had to say goodbye to your son’s dog. It’s heartbreaking when we lose another important link to our missing child and even more so when it’s a living link. Thank you for your kind words. I pray that the Lord continues to give you the courage and grace you need for each new day and the strength to hold onto hope. ❤


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