Companioning The Bereaved

I’ve learned so much in this journey.

I’ve had to unlearn some things too.

One of the things I’ve had to unlearn is that the medical model of “identify, treat, cure” is not applicable to grieving hearts.

Grief is not a disease. It’s not an abnormality. It doesn’t need to be treated and cured so that it “goes away”.

It’s the perfectly normal and appropriate response to loss.

A more helpful model is compassionate companionship.

What grievers need is faithful friends and family who choose to come alongside and refuse to be frightened away when the process seems long, tortuous and challenging. We need others to be present, to truly listen and to bear witness to our wounds.

Recently I found this list from Dr. Alan Wolfelt, founder of the Center for Loss (http://www.centerforloss.com) and I love it!

It’s an elegant synopsis of what compassionate companionship looks like in practice:

  1. Being present to another person’s pain; it is not about taking away the pain.
  2. Going to the wilderness of the soul with another human being; it is not about thinking you are responsible for finding the way out.
  3. Honoring the spirit; it is not about focusing on the intellect.
  4. Listening with the heart; it is not about analyzing with the head.
  5. Bearing witness to the struggles of others; it is not about judging or directing these struggles.
  6. Walking alongside; it is not about leading.
  7. Discovering the gifts of sacred silence; it is not about filling up every moment with words.
  8. Being still; it is not about frantic movement forward.
  9. Respecting disorder and confusion; it is not about imposing order and logic.
  10. Learning from others; it is not about teaching them.
  11. Compassionate curiosity; it is not about expertise.

~Dr. Alan Wolfelt, Eleven Tenets of Companioning the Bereaved

At one time or another each of us need someone to be present, to truly listen and to bear witness to our wounds.

When your world is profoundly dark, an outstretched hand is often the only way a heart can hold onto hope. 

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Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

7 thoughts on “Companioning The Bereaved”

  1. Pingback: Bereaved Parents Month 2021: Companioning the Bereaved – thelifeididntchoose

  3. Melanie,
    Love your posts. Hate the reason for them. 😓 Grateful for your willingness to be vulnerable and speak truth. 💔

    We lost our beautiful boy at aged 25, killed in a horrific crash when hit by a drunk driver. Your writing of your precious son reminds me so much of our beloved Connor.

    I would like to receive your posts via email, as I am trying to wean myself off Facebook.

    Love in Christ,
    Jill

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    1. Jill, you may need to open one of the blog posts on a tablet or laptop. When you do, you’ll see a “follow this blog” option and when you click you can put in your email address. If you can’t find that b/c you read on your phone, you can use my contact: Godsgrdnr@aol.com and send me your email confidentially and I’ll add you through my admin tools.

      I’m so sorry for your pain and loss. May the Lord wrap His loving arms around you and overwhelm your heart with His grace and mercy. ❤

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  4. Pingback: Companioning The Bereaved – thelifeididntchoose | Loss, Grief, Bereavement and Life Transitions Resource Library

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