Winds Across My Heart

I’m pretty far past what I call my “season of sorrow” so I don’t really know what came over me the other day.

But somehow the stars aligned or the slant of the sunshine or the smell in the air overwhelmed my heart.

Maybe it’s because Facebook faithfully reminds me of what happened on this date years ago. I know I can adjust the settings but I don’t because it’s both bitter AND sweet to be reminded.

Our family used these napkin rings for years and years. Facebook reminded me there are a thousand ways to miss Dominic.

Maybe it’s because summers in Alabama involve fervent activity before nine in the morning with a long, hot lull until more fervent activity after five in the evening.

I really don’t know.

But that’s one of the conundrums of child loss.

I hit a wall and I had a cry and took a short nap (something I only do about five times a year) and I was better.

I try to manage my days to avoid these things but sometimes a little bit of this and a little bit of that blow winds of nostalgia and regret and longing and missing across my soul.

And all I can do is weather the storm.

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

4 thoughts on “Winds Across My Heart”

  1. It will be 3 years in October. I have had some really good days these past 6 months. However, yesterday I saw a picture of a handprint. I came to tears immediately. Really don’t understand why, but I wanted so much to put my hand on that print and feel him in my soul. Fought tears all afternoon. This morning I saw a picture of a sweet memory of 2 years ago. Had a very good cry. Now I feel better but weary. Oh how hard it is some days…an ache that won’t go away…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks for sharing with such honesty, Melanie. I keep the memories on in my Facebook settings, too, for the same reason. I am a newly retired teacher, and Covid plus retirement gives me far too much free time for both my mind and body. I’m struggling even more as the 5 year mark approaches. Work and activity kept my mind occupied naturally. Now I need to figure out new ways to “take every thought captive…” Your writings are a gift to me as I crawl through this time. Missing my boy…


  3. Oh those winds blowing this and that and before you know it you are in a heap. You used the same refuge as I do Melanie – a good nana nap 😊I am so glad you felt better for it.

    Peace be with you my friend ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I also hit the wall the other day. I think it was brought on by my granddaughters wedding and then I saw my sons good friends have been married 17 years ! I thought wow they’ve been together since they were 17 yr when they were all friends in High School. That’s when it hit Justin will never get married and have Anniversaries ! It brought so much sadness to my heart . Thanks for sharing your heart with all of us out here ♥️

    Liked by 1 person

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