Crazy Busy

Life has been crazy busy lately. Mostly in a good way.

But any way that shakes up my routine is hard for me to take.

Some folks live for the next adventure, the next exciting social opportunity or the next chance to get out of the house and do something different.

Not me.

I’m a rut lover. Like cows walking to water I’ll follow that same trail morning til night and never feel like I’m deprived of a single thing.

Life is changing on my little piece of ground. And some of the changes are here to stay. My husband is retired now and home all day.

Quiet space I used to command from morning until night is no longer mine alone. I rarely turn on the TV or listen to music. He loves background noise. I take phone calls the old-fashioned way. He always uses the speaker phone.

It’s an adjustment I haven’t yet figured out how to deal with. But I will.

And there are some good things too!

We don’t have to schedule visits with our children around his work schedule.

We can come and go when we want and stay as long as they will tolerate us.

I have help with heavy lifting.

When I want or need to talk, he’s available and willing to listen.

But writing requires a certain amount of solitude and a huge amount of free headspace to allow ideas to float around, merge, solidify and ultimately flow out onto the page.

All the busy-ness of the past weeks and months have robbed me of the daily rituals of quiet hours to read, to walk and simply think.

And as my faithful readers have noticed, I’ve been sharing old posts more frequently these past weeks. I could simply stop posting each day but I don’t want to do that. As long as I maintain the habit (even by the seat of my pants!) of queuing up something I am fighting to keep my creative juices flowing.

I’m sure that eventually all these new ways of being will work themselves into a routine that allows me time for writing again.

Until then, I appreciate your patience my friends.

Thanks for showing up.

❤ Melanie

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

18 thoughts on “Crazy Busy”

  1. Please keep posting. Even if it’s a repost. I loved the one today about finding me. It spoke to me exactly where I am. I need you. I need this blog. We are like friends now. We wear the same ugly shoes.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Melanie,
    Please, please do not ever stop writing. You have so many Mother’s who have lost a child depend on you. I am one of those. My son died of a rare combination of encephalitis and bacterial meningitis
    four years ago this month. He was only 33
    And left behind his wife and a six month old baby boy , both of whom
    he adored . He said after his son was born that was all he ever wanted was a family.

    You write about everything I am going through and others . Losing him is the most indescribable and excruciating pain I’ve ever experienced.
    I share a lot of excerpts from your writings especially with the Mothers who have recently had to deal with the loss of a child . Every once in awhile, I still become angry at God and beg him to please let him come back home . I just want him back . I pray , if it be Gods will, that I might have a visitation dream so I can see him and talk to him. Then I pray that God forgives me for being so selfish.
    I had a meltdown day a month ago. I pray for a sign that Marquis was ok and that God had no not left me. Last week , as I sat in the dental chair staring out the window while waiting with the hygienist for the doctor to come in, a beautiful, refreshing cardinal flew up and sat on the window sill facing me. We were looking straight into each other’s eyes for at least 30 seconds. The hygienist couldn’t believe it. She said never has that happened and couldn’t wait to tell the doctor. I had to restrain myself from crying because I know I’m my heart , it was my sign from
    hod.Later, I cried and cried and thanked the Lord for this . Please share your honest experience s. They keep me from thinking I’m going crazy and it’s a part of grief.I love going back to read the older posts
    Love and prayers to you . Take care of you

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You are a gift, Melanie. I hope you never quit writing. I can’t tell you how often your “creative juices” fill my heart and get me through the day.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for being so open and transparent Melanie. Your posts are always such a blessing to me and I know that you will find your way in this new season of your life. God is walking with you each step of the way, and I know that He will lead you where you will continue to help in the healing of our broken mama hearts and shine His light on us through you. God bless you. 🙏❤️🦋

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Please don’t stop writing-I look forward to your posts-even if I am not strong enough to read it some days I can always read it the next! This is a very hard road to walk-I lost my oldest (only) daughter October 2017

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I thrive on chaos and busyness. Reading your posts, including your older ones, gives me an opportunity to take a moment to breathe and reflect. I hope you’ll continue to find space for writing, both for yourself and for us, your readers! But take care of you!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. My son went home to Heaven in April 2020 so this is all new to me and I am trying to find my new path. Your posts from previous years are treasured words especially about the holidays. I don’t know how I will survive them. Your words, no matter, when written speak to us who have shattered hearts. Thank you Melanie.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so very sorry for your pain and loss, Jan. You are fresh in grief and the first year (for me at least) was mainly focused on survival. I pray that you hear the Lord singing love and courage over your heart. Thank you for taking a moment to encourage mine. ❤

      Like

  8. Carving space for ourselves is so important to live the best life we can, given our losses. Take care of Melanie, too. This post is a good reminder for us all. Change is always happening and I find myself always seeking some calm like the eye of a hurricane. Be well. Xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  9. It is something you love so much Melanie that you will find a way. Your reposts are reminders to us for all sorts to reasons…to help new people on their journey, to show how far we have travelled, to remind us of ways to help us that we have forgotten.

    Peace be with you on this autumnal morning ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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