Birthdays Are…Complicated

Today is my birthday.

And while I am truly grateful for another trip around the sun, since Dominic left us it’s not a simple celebration of life lived and the hope of years to come.

The last birthday I had with an unbroken family circle was a lovely surprise party for my fiftieth held in Dom’s apartment.

My fiftieth birthday! ❤

Seven years later and it seems a lifetime ago.

So when I wake up to another sunrise and take inventory (as those of us who reach a certain age are wont to do) on the anniversary of my birth, I count losses as well as gains.

And I wish, wish, wish that old wives’ tale about blowing out candles in a single breath were true.

Because other than the continued health of my surviving children, there’s only one wish worth the air I take in and out of my lungs-something Dominic can never do again-and that is for him to have the privilege of blowing out the candles once more.

It’s not only HIS birthday that makes my heart ache.

It’s mine.

I would have gladly traded my life for his.

But I wasn’t given that choice.

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

9 thoughts on “Birthdays Are…Complicated”

  1. Gentle birthday wishes, Melanie.

    Today, the 25th is my birthday…my thoughts are what you expressed…I would give up my years so Brian could have more…….

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Today was my son’s birthday. He left
    this earth Feb. 12, 2019. He would have been
    38 this year. He was my only child and the love of my life!
    Happy Birthday! So sorry for your loss.
    I have been reading your previous blog for
    over a year. You expressed my feelings today exactly. Thank you for your sharing
    daily. ♥️🎂😘

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I try to focus on blessings I’ve been giving. Grace I have known for God!
    As hard as I try,my son Levi’s birthday makes my heart stop! My husband and I cannot breath, and now have little word between us. I’m not right with the world around me. I’m…. lost for words. But I know, you all know!! A mind, cannot stop a heartbreak

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I so understand what you wrote in your post. The my last birthday I celebrated with my Kaci was also my 50th. It was a fun girls day of pedicures, lunch, and shopping. We are almost at the two year mark of when Kaci left us to be with Jesus. I pray God comforts your heart today!

    Liked by 1 person

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