Little Ways Grief Changes Things

I accidentally dialed my son’s number the other night.  

All he heard amidst the noise of the baseball game he was attending was, “I’m sorry” which immediately put him in “oh no!” mode.  

A couple words later and he understood that what I was sorry for was interrupting him, not another tragedy that required a heart-wrenching, life-changing long distance phone call.

But that’s how it is now.  

The sheriff’s deputy came to my door and I had to make the awful phone calls.  

But so many of Dominic’s friends first suspected something was wrong when they couldn’t reach him by phone on that Saturday after he left us.  

I cannot abide the suspense of not being able to know for sure one of my precious family members is OK.

We carry our phones everywhere, silent to other calls when necessary but never to our “favorites” because we will not be unreachable.

If one of us calls another at an unexpected time, we begin with, “Nothing’s wrong!”

We have to or else hearts race, temples pound and it will be hours before we can come down from a state of heightened anxiety and near panic.  

We touch base every morning and most evenings. 

Like hands stretched out in the dark to comfort one another.

Just to be sure.  

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

6 thoughts on “Little Ways Grief Changes Things”

  1. My daughter died on 12-14-16 unfortunately I didn’t find out until I had the police do a welfare check on her on 12-17-16. I texted her and called her she didn’t answer so I thought she was mad at me? She had a really bad day that day and said she was going home to take a nap. She had just filed for sole custody for my 7 month old granddaughter. It took till Valentines Day to get her autopsy back and was considered an accidental overdose. I thank god she filed for sole custody though because that help me keep my granddaughter, I had been raising her anyway since birth because my daughter had 5 surgeries. She had such a rough time a cesarean, 3 kidney stone surgeries, one for a 2 teeth to be removed. Then the wonderful father of the baby took off on them when my granddaughter was only 4 months old! This was his FOURTH CHILD and my daughter ‘s first. He left her for a friend and got her pregnant with a fifth child!!!!!
    As if this wasn’t bad enough 3 weeks after my daughter’s death my nephew took his life as well. Then on July 8,2019 I just lost my other nephew the same way. I’m so sick of heroin it needs to STOP!!!!!! I hope they put the person away that took my nephews life! Thank you for listening ❤️🙏

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Is there a way I can thank Melanie for her writings? My dear sweet friend lost her 24 year old beautiful boy unexpectedly and tragically and her grief knows no bounds. Her writings have given my friend hope in her darkest hours.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Peggy,

      What a beautiful blessing to have a friend committed to walking compassionately with a heart in the Valley of child loss! You did tell Melanie that the blogs are helpful by leaving this comment. I see every comment and that blesses me to know the posts help you support your friend. May the Lord repay you for every kindness. ❤️


  3. It’s hard to even imagine life now without the cellphones, but I am so thankful for the instant way of being able to connect and make sure the ones I love are ok. When I can’t reach them though I go into panic mode and you’re right, it can be hours before you come back down from that. After a few not so pretty meltdowns, I think they finally understand just to answer my calls or texts ASAP even if its just to let me know they are ok but will call later.

    Liked by 2 people

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