Sometimes the day or the week after a holiday seems extra hard.
Deflated. Exhausted. Weepy. Irritable. Discontented.
All words that can describe a heart once the dishes are washed and the celebration ended.
Some of y’all probably woke up thinking, “I did pretty good on Mother’s Day” only to be blindsided by the tears you managed to hide and the grief you managed to stuff.
That’s OK. It happens.
If you are struggling to open your eyes to a new day or face this week, I want to pray for you-I want to pray for us:
Father God,
You have made me and I am yours.
Sometimes I don’t feel You but I trust You haven’t abandoned me. You care for me with the tender heart of a mother for her children so I know you are here. You are a good, good Father and Your loving kindness is eternal.
My heart wants to run and hide.
I’m tired.
Tired of carrying this load, tired of pretending it’s not all that heavy, tired of trying to put the scattered pieces of a broken life back together.
Help me.
Help me lean into the truth that I don’t have to do any of that alone. Help me let go of the things I have no control over and to place them into your hands. Help me adjust my expectations and my attitude.
Give me sufficient grace for this moment, this hour, this day. Pour your love into my spirit and strengthen me with your courage. Make me brave. Be my Light and my Life.
Amen
It’s OK to cry. It’s OK to take the mask off and let the feelings fall.
You’re not alone.
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thelifeididntchoose 
This I can relate to very much so. This was my third Mother’s Day without my son. He ran to heaven two years ago this last February. The week leading up to these special days I have typically found to be very heavy for me. I usually feel depleted of all energy on the day itself, yet getting through the day quite well without overwhelming sorrow. There are smiles and even some laughs shared. But, then the dreaded evening comes, just like you mentioned, once the house is empty and quiet. Washing up for the night I start sobbing, heart racing and beating so hard I feel faint. I want to scream and let out all the pressure! I grab a towel and lay on my bed and let it out. My husband and daughter take turns sitting with and loving on me. I recall memories of the “good” times when Derek was here, along with the anger I have for this being my new life. I cry and soak my towel until exhausted. Sometimes its hours and other times 10 minutes.
The Lord gave me a song in my sleep that I woke up with. I found that song, listened to it in bed, crying once again, but this time in worship to my precious Lord. Thank you Jesus for your hope, your comfort, strength and unconditional love!
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Amen Melanie. 🧡🧡
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Thank you, Melanie.❤
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There is a beautiful song by Tom Read called Masks. Listen to it if you get the chance. Much love dear sister.
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All day Monday, this was me. I couldn’t stop the tears, and felt so irritatable, and I didn’t really know why. Maybe partly the “relief” of surviving my second “Mother’s Day ” without my precious Molli? I felt guilty because my husband and daughter did a wonderful job of making it a special day, and making me feel loved, but I still felt so sad and was missing my girl so much. I have such a hard time expressing this. I have one other daughter Rachel, almost sixteen (a year older than Molli.) I Iove her dearly. But, I feel like I cannot express to her how much I miss Molli, for fear that she may feel that she is “not enough.” It’s such a strange new road, that I never wanted to walk. Some days just feel so dark and overwhelming. Thank you Melanie for bringing light, and hope, with your writing. I find much comfort in your words.
-Karen Colver
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I think most of us waiting parents have some guilt whenever we survive a holiday or other special time without our missing child. I remember the first time I really laughed out loud-truly laughed, not a forced laugh-after Dom left. I could hardly believe it! What was wrong with me???
And then there are the other relationships in our families we have to navigate carefully and with an eye to the other person’s feelings and psyche. You are a wise mama to think about your other daughter and if she might feel inadequate. Love is really all we have to give anyone, any time. I’m sure you are loving Rachel and she knows that.
Praying the rest of this week is not a stress-filled and out of sorts. ❤
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This is exactly how I feel! This was my second Mother’s Day without my Sam. He was 17 when God decided to take him. My precious daughter, Anna was 15. She is 16 now and I struggle daily with how to celebrate her while still honoring her brother’s memory. It’s just so hard! Sam was such a special part of our family and had a larger than life personality. She has told us that she feels the need to “take his place” and we are just struggling, even a year out, to convince her that she doesn’t have to do that. There is no way she could ever take his place and we don’t want her to! She has her own place that is just as vital to our family. Even with counseling, she is struggling to find her identity without him. It is just such a hard road to travel. I know how I feel and I cannot begin to imagine how she feels. He was not just her brother, he was her best friend. We are all just a little lost without him.
I hate that we are all walking this road together but I am also so very thankful to have other mothers who understand! Thank you all so much for your openness and willingness to share!
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