Oh, we mamas are experts at waiting.
We wait for nine months to hold that little person growing inside us. We wait for them to learn to crawl, walk, talk and read. And then we wait to pick them up at school, for piano and dance lessons to be over and ball practice to end.
As long as our children are with us, we are always waiting for something.
We never expect to be waiting to join them in heaven.
But some of us are.
And this waiting is real hard-not like the other times when I knew about when the waiting would end. Even though it was sometimes tiresome, lessons and practice wouldn’t last much longer than the appointed time.
I guess I believe there is an appointed time for this waiting to end as well.
I do believe that God has my life in His hands. When my work here is through, He will call me home, just as He called Dominic.
Trouble is, I can’t find a clock that tells that time. I can’t look at a calendar and know for certain THIS will be the day.
And not knowing how LONG I have to hold on is a huge part of what makes it
so.
very.
hard.
Sometimes I want to give up. Sometimes I want to let go of hope and dive into despair.
Some days I am afraid I can’t keep on keeping on.
Not. one. more. step.
But God has promised to meet me even here.
His Word tells me that there is a reward for those who wait with hope, who trust even when it seems foolish and who lean in even when they would rather run away.
But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famine.
We wait in hope for the Lord;
he is our help and our shield.
In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love be with us, Lord,
even as we put our hope in you.Psalm 33:18-22 NIV
The Amplified Bible renders that last verse like this: “Let Your mercy and loving-kindness, O Lord, be upon us, in proportion to our waiting and hoping for You.”
In proportion to my waiting and hoping, God will fill my hurting heart with HIS mercy and loving-kindness.
He will strengthen me regardless of how many days I must walk in this waiting.
If I hold onto the hope I have in Christ, He promises not to let go of the other end.
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thelifeididntchoose 
Counting but not wanting to waste one precious moment of the life I have been given, even on the dark days.
I want so very much to see my surviving children recovered from their brother’s death. His suicide affected their own mental health so much it stalled their start on their own lives. They have made great steps and I am so proud of them. They too are now beginning to grasp every moment.
Sending love across the ocean Melanie xxx
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Some days it is just so hard……. Autumn is the hardest for me…….Scott’s Birthday is in September..He would have been 40 this year….(can’t believe I have two kids in their 40’s!!!!……….. nature is shutting down for winter…..I want to do that too….hibernate all winter so I can miss the holidays……. then Spring comes…….along with Scott’s death anniversary…..when I think of that, my joy wilts like tulips with the late snows in Nebraska…….
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Hi Melanie. Tomorrow marks 4 years since Kari left us for Heaven. A lot of the time I “do okay” at least on the surface. It’s kind of like there are two layers to me now. But today I had a moment when I suddenly thought “Actually I really don’t think I can do this any more, but what does that mean? Do I just fall in a screaming, wailing, groaning mess on the ground and rock back and forth and just keep doing that until I die?” I realised that there’s really no option. I just have to “toughen up” and keep on going. As Steven Curtis Chapman says “take another step and another step and another step”. I’ve been doing that for 4 years now and it would be kind of nice to have a break, but that’s basically impossible. My Kari fought on bravely through horrible things right until the end, so I guess that’s what I need to do too.
I’m so grateful for you and your blogs and the other online groups for bereaved parents who believe in Jesus. I really don’t know how I would have made it this far without “y’all” (being Australian, that’s not actually in my vocabulary). Anyway, again, thank you.
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Rhyl, I absolutely understand! Like you, there are moments and days when I just want to give up and give in. Also like you (BTW I love SCC!!!) I simply take another step, another breath and keep going. Praying for you especially right now. May we all finish well like your Kari ❤️
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Reblogged this on My Journey Through.
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