Hardest Prayer I Have Ever Prayed


It is portrayed so sweetly in Christmas plays and Christmas movies:

Mary bowing her head in response to the angel Gabriel’s announcement that she has been chosen to bear the Saviour.

I don’t know what went through her mind before she answered.  I’m not sure she had a clue what submission to God’s will would look like as it played out across the months and years.

I only know that she was willing.

And God honored her willingness to bend her knee and her heart regardless of the unknown cost.

I’m not as noble as Mary.  I didn’t answer quickly when God allowed my life to be turned upside down.

I kicked and screamed and resisted as long as I could.

But who can fight Almighty God?

How can I carry on if I resist the Only One Who can carry me?

My heart still balks.

It. Is. Still. So. Very. Hard.

But I bow my head and heart each morning and ask for the grace to make it true:

“Behold, I am the servant of the LORD; let it be to me according to your word.” ~Luke 1:38



Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

7 thoughts on “Hardest Prayer I Have Ever Prayed”

  1. My son died 5 days before Christmas.
    Every year there after I would dread
    Every Christmas. My favorite memory of him was a Christmas play he walked with a lite candle with his class. He looked like an angel. Little did I know later that day he would actually be one. Now I dwell on the 7 short years he was alive. As years passed on that day I would go through pictures to celebrate his life instead of focusing so much on his death. As a Christian
    I know I will see his face again.
    I had surrendered to God’s perfect plan. Thy will be done Lord not thine. God Bless everyone who’s heart is broken because of a child’s loss. I love you and more importantly God loves you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Just a gentle reminder, Melanie. Mary answered with willingness years before she knew the cost. Heaven knows things got hard for her shortly after she uttered those words, but such words, even truthful and heartfelt, are far easier to utter before the cost is revealed.

    You answered Jesus’ call just like Mary did years before life imploded – before you knew how great the cost of discipleship truly is. You effectively prayed Mary’s prayer the day of your salvation, just as ignorant of how difficult things would become as Mary herself probably was.

    The hard part for Mary and for you was not that open-handed prayer, but rather picking up your cross every morning thereafter. And scripture tells us that even Jesus stumbled under the weight of his cross following the beginning of His suffering. There is NO condemnation in Christ Jesus! Stumble on dear friend, stumble on. And when I can, I’ll stupe to help you shoulder the weight of that cross, just like you do for me.

    Love and hugs from afar. Share it with Fiona for me, please!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. My heart every single day.
    “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” It’s asking Almighty God to shift things in my heart and mind so they align with the perfectness and completeness of heaven. Tiny shifts, nudges, bumps at a time. That is all our fragile hearts and minds can handle.
    Thank you for sharing those truths…giving words to the thoughts and feelings of so many. Love you Melanie.


  4. This is so true. It is comforting to know how other believers process this. I find to bow my head in acceptance and listening to worship music to lift me out of heaviness is the only way I can cope. It is a daily surrender. Thanks for such comforting words.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you!! Beautifully said! My mantra – “Thy will be done…on earth as it is in Heaven”. …..It took a long time to get there…..and I do back-pedal a bit … but I’m trying..


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