I was reminded (again!) that when I share my journey, it may (and does!) look very different from another mama’s journey.
I really appreciate that reminder because I never, ever intend to speak for anyone but myself.
I write because it helps me wrangle my own thoughts, feelings, experiences and questions into some sort of reasonable order not because I think I’m documenting a generally applicable description of grief.
Sometimes other moms have given me permission to share their thoughts and I try to indicate that by using quotes or a general heading. And sometimes I have asked a question in our closed group and received permission to share insights gleaned from the answers to write a post on a specific topic.
My path through this Valley of the Shadow of Death is unique.
It is as unique as the son I buried, as the life I’ve lived previous to and since my loss, as my personal relationship with Jesus, as the weaknesses and strengths I bring to the task.
I have surviving children. Not every grieving mother does.
My children are all adults. Many grieving mothers are in the midst of the busy child-rearing years.
I don’t have a career. Other bereaved mothers must get up, get dressed and go to work every day.
I don’t have any grandchildren to cuddle but some mamas do.
I find silence helpful-solititude healing. Others find silence frightening and feel abandoned.
I don’t want to be distracted from the work grief requires. Some work hard to run away from the pain.
Scripture is my bedrock, laid down before Dominic ran ahead to heaven. Not all bereaved parents believe in Jesus nor use the Bible as their guide.
So take what’s helpful, leave what’s not.
And if you ever want to add to what I’ve written, leave a comment. [REMEMBER these comments are PUBLIC.]
I have always envisioned these posts as conversation starters, not the final word.
My prayer for each bereaved parent who reads these words is that they will feel the Father’s loving arms around them, that He will flood their broken hearts with His grace and mercy. I ask that He give them strength for each new day and that He guide them toward His truth and give them hope.
Much love, my friends.
~Melanie
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thelifeididntchoose 
Melanie, thank you for this page. I search it out every morning. My son was killed in the line of duty October 24, 2017. I still struggle to put words on paper. I have millions of thoughts in my head, but they generally disappear when I try to write them down. Your writings are my heart SO many times and for that I am eternally grateful. I know God loves me. I am a Believer. The hard thing is I have no words for Him. When I pray all I can say is Thy will be done because I prayed for protection for my children all of their lives. My son died at 31 years of age and left behind a wife and three little girls (6, 4 & 2). I have no idea what else to say when His will is perfect and He does what He sees fit. I seem to avoid His Word instead of run to it. I don’t feel anything it seems. I’m either totally numb or totally devastated. I know it is July but I’m already struggling with his birthday on September 2. I work so very hard to live in the present but find myself either in the emergency room saying good bye to him or ….nothing…. I love solitude. I LOVE blessing those in need but can only handle a little at a time. I do not work outside the home…..praise God! Thank you for listening…for hearing. Thank you for daring to write the words I cannot yet put down. You are a life-line.
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What a precious gift you have given me! Thank you for sharing how the blog helps your heart. I’m so sorry you know this pain and loss but very glad you’ve found a bit of comfort here. May the Lord continue to strengthen you for each new day and may He help your heart hold onto hope. ❤
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In many ways our lives are very different Melanie, mine and yours but oh how in msny ways so very much the same.
I thank God I found you on this arduous journey and I am so thankful for the posts which are written straight from your heart and help some many of our broken hearts ❤
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The journey since I lost my daughter. She was 3 months old.
I created a page called One Voice In a Sea of Pain, if you would like to stay connected.
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Thank you for reaching out. I will definitely look at your page I am so very sorry for your pain and your loss.
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My son, Sean’s heaven anniversary is Wednesday. He and I were so alike and he shared his thoughts and dreams with me. Prayed with me. Laughed with me. I am struggling intensely. Thank you for sharing. It helps to know I’m not alone in the struggle.
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I am so very sorry Alison. Those “special” days are that much harder. I pray that the Lord makes Himself very Present to you, especially now. May you feel His loving arms around you and may He overwhelm your wounded heart with His grace and mercy. You are not alone, dear sister.
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My son, Tristan’s is Wednesday as well. His accident occurred on January 30th. He was 4 days in the ICU burn unit. I deactivated my Facebook account because I could not bear the cheerful “Your Memories from a Year Ago” or even the kindness of my friends right now. I know that must sound horrible. I am so grateful to have this page to come for quiet reflection and prayer, and now to again find some small comfort in the fact that I am (sadly) not alone.
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I’m sorry, I misspoke. His 21st birthday is Wednesday. He died on February 2, 2016, the anniversary of which is Thursday.
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Gracious words as always Melanie 💜
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