Can’t Run Away

You know that scene in Forrest Gump where he starts running and just can’t stop?

I thought that was a funny way to deal with grief when I first saw the movie.

But now I understand it perfectly.  

run forrest run

If I could have started running, walking or even crawling away from the heartache in those first days and weeks I would have.  

Truth is, though, you can’t.  

No matter how far or how fast you run, it all comes with you.  I have to live in the black and white reality of a world that includes my dead son.  I don’t have a choice if I’m going to keep my sanity.

And I think that’s another kind of invisible wall that separates those of us who walk this Valley from those that don’t:  we know-deep down, surefire, gut-wrenchingly-KNOW there are things you cannot escape.

feel deal heal

You can’t outrun them.

You can’t wish them away.

You can’t ignore them.

You have to embrace them no matter how prickly, heartbreaking or impossible that seems.  

And then learn to live with them. 

fear is what we feel brave is what we do

 

 

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

6 thoughts on “Can’t Run Away”

  1. Since Paul died I had been surely trying to run away. I would leave home whenever I can. I would search for him constantly. I don’t know what I expected to find….
    Being away I felt like I was escaping the reality of it all. The problem was when i returned home it would all come crashing back.
    Presently I still leave often but try and feel, deal and heal wherever I am. It gets easier and easier to be back home – the images of the coroner and police approaching my front door escorting Paul’s fiancé come to me less now. Although it will forever be etched on my brain.
    Thank you for these posts – makes me feel like I’m not alone, not crazy and that I will slowly crawl up this rat hole.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are absolutely NOT alone, nor crazy. I am so sorry you know the ache of child loss. Those awful images are imprinted in your mind and hard to get rid of. I understand completely. I pray that the Lord will give you the tools and strength you need to overcome the trauma and the freedom and grace to remember the good things when you are at home. It takes a lot of work and a lot of time. ❤

      Like

  2. I found a lovely short prayer yesterday…
    Lord grant me weak eyes for things that are of no accountand strong eyes for all thy truth….Soren Kierkegaad
    During my morning swim you were on my mind. I often use the time for prayers and I today I thanked God for you and to continue to be by your side as you help us all to walk this path. Bless you Melanie. Sending ❤ across the ocean x

    Liked by 1 person

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