Leaky Grief

Even though I purpose to be authentic and open about how Dominic’s absence impacts my life, I find that I may go days or weeks without realizing I’m stuffing things again.

Most of the time I figure it out because the grief has found the path of least resistance and leaked onto other people or has made me sick, tired or both.

When I catch myself overreacting to the less than attentive store clerk or avoiding phone calls or snapping at family members I need to take a moment and search for what’s behind that.

When I dread another day, sit for too long in my chair instead of getting up and getting going, procrastinate over simple and easy tasks, have trouble sleeping or am achy all over I need to reexamine my week and see what grief triggers I overlooked or tried to ignore.  

At first I was very aware of carrying the load of grief and sorrow-tears made it obvious and impossible to ignore.

But as time has progressed (now 4 1/2 years) I find I can seem to breeze right past things that would have stopped me in my tracks during the first twelve months.

Still, they DO pluck at my heart even if I think they don’t.  

best way out is always through

And if I refuse to drag those feelings out into the light, they will find their own path.

Grief will not be denied forever.  

It leaks out somewhere.

Better for me to face up, own it and choose how it comes out.

re_set as many times as you need to

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

5 thoughts on “Leaky Grief”

  1. Melanie, Not to discourage you but rather my attempt to let you know you are not alone- I am 8 ½ years out and this still happens to me. Feels like my son Connor died yesterday, feels like forever. It is the mother love we have. Milestones, regular days, certain months-we just miss them and will everyday. Self-care the order of these days…whatever works for you and sometimes it just doesn’t work.xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Doesn’t discourage me at all! Thank you for sharing honestly. I’m most discouraged by people that seem to have “gotten over it” than by folks who tell me it’s a lifelong challenge. May God continue to give you strength to endure. ❤️


  2. This is just how I have been feeling for the past few weeks…just down right grouchy! I can’t seem to find a release at the moment…..


  3. Oh, so true. I just went through a down period that lasted a week and it was because I was unknowingly going around my grief. Once I recognized that’s I was able to resurface and begin to feel better. Hugs, mama.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s