Goodness, Gracious! Why Didn’t I Think of That?

I know (really, I do!) that people MEAN well.

I understand the temptation to share cute little sayings like these in response to a bereaved parent’s Facebook post.

What runs through my mind, even eight years later when I read this isn’t, “Oh my!  Why didn’t I think of that? Why didn’t I just turn that frown upside down and CHOOSE to be happy instead of sad.”

Instead it’s, “If I could, don’t you think I WOULD?”

If I could just make a mental adjustment and wash away the pain and missing of loss, I’d do it in a heartbeat.

Many times those who have been spared think that those who haven’t are holding grief too close, refusing to let it go.  They may think we are using it as an attention getting prop.  They rest certain that if it were them, THEY would rise above, get over or overcome grief.

You will never know how thankful I am that YOU. DON’T. REALLY. KNOW.

So when you’re tempted to subtly correct me and (out of the goodness of your heart) try to steer me toward a “cure” for my grief, think about it.  Think about how hollow these words might sound in the ear of a mother or father who will never, ever hear or see or touch their child again. Think about how ridiculous it would be to suggest that all it takes to “be happy” is to “choose” correctly.

Think about which one of your children you could live without.  


Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

8 thoughts on “Goodness, Gracious! Why Didn’t I Think of That?”

  1. I thought this morning how that meme could be true if it were converted from “either/or” to “both/and”. I think that particular meme is why I changed the settings on my FB post so that no one can post directly to my page without it’s being directed to me first for approval.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Thank you Melanie once again for your thoughtful and heartfelt postings. You write as though you know my heart.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I have always found the “you can shed tears because they’re gone” meme grating on my nerves. So many times on so many FB pages I have just scrolled past it and said nothing. Maybe it helps someone else but it’s never helped me. It has made me feel selfish and inadequate and I know in my heart it was NOT written by a grieving parent. So one day, on a parents grief site, I responded to a post with this saying attached, after numerous comments about how it was so true I simply stated that like so many other things on this journey, it doesn’t apply to everyone. Well you would think I had blasphemed the Lord to his face!
    There are times now, after 6 1/2 years when I feel real joy. When I can laugh and think about Patrick without tears filling my eyes. Yet, on those other days when the tears and the pain are just under the surface, I don’t want someone thinking I can just “love… and go on” it doesn’t work that way. 💙☘️💛⚾️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So incredibly spot on. It is way to flippant. There are good days and bad days. But since I have to older adult kids, I am sensitive and would never share that advise. It’s been almost 3 years since Tim left, and still feels surreal that he is gone🙏♥️😎

      Liked by 1 person

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