There Are No Stages of Grief

I first shared this several years ago and while it’s absolutely true that Kubler-Ross did not intend for her model to be applied to grieving parents it has been nonetheless.

And the damage that has been wrought in the name of interpreting the traumatic loss of out of order death through the lens of the “Stages of Grief” is undeniable and incalculable.

So, so many people have been judged or marginalized because the way they processed their loss didn’t follow a predetermined path. So, so many hearts have been hurt because they’ve been deemed “abnormal” or “pathological” or “maladaptive”.

I’m here to tell you that there are NO stages of grief-at least not the way they have entered common parlance or even common therapeutic practice.

Grief is a complex process that makes its own way through a person’s psyche. It’s unpredictable and untamable.

Grief after child loss is doubly so.

Don’t let anyone circumscribe your experience by outdated and disproved ideas about what you should or should not be feeling.

❤ Melanie

Ever since Elizabeth Kubler Ross published her best-sellling book, “On Death and Dying” both professionals and laypersons have embraced her explanation of the “five stages of grief”.  

The model has been used as a faulty standard to measure grievers’ “progress” for decades.

Trouble is, she got it wrong.  

And it is especially wrong for bereaved parents or anyone who suffers traumatic or sudden death.

Read the rest here: Stages of Grief ? Nope.

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

3 thoughts on “There Are No Stages of Grief”

  1. I like what this woman writes..this is primarily for those who have lost a child, but a lot of what she writes hits home!

    Sent from my iPad


    Liked by 1 person

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