I Didn’t Choose This Life

This is the excerpt for your very first post.

I didn’t choose this life.  I didn’t choose to become a bereaved mother–a mama mourning the too-soon loss of one of her precious children.  But God, in His wisdom, has chosen this life for me.  This blog is a peek into my heart.

I am a journal keeping, Scripture reading, favorite verse copying woman.  In the three and a half years before Dominic’s death, I had slowed my Bible reading to a crawl–limiting myself to one chapter a day and writing it out in my journal.  After decades of church attendance, I realized that the stories had become too easy to rush through, the verses too familiar to resonate deeply in my spirit. So I had just finished my journey through God’s Word in this way when my son was killed.

It was obvious to me that God had been preparing my heart for that awful moment for three and a half years!  In His mercy and grace I had no clue.  No premonitions.  No idea that one Saturday morning I would wake to the news that my child had died instantly.

I am trying to be as honest as my heart allows.  I want others to see both the pain of loss and the faithfulness of God in the midst of loss.

I will not minimize the darkness.  Because light shines brightest in darkness.

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

14 thoughts on “I Didn’t Choose This Life”

  1. Hi I have emailed you before about my friend who lost her son…she/we are coming up on the year anniversary and you wrote about Doms Annuversary and some things to do to help with the pain. I wanted send your blog to her but am not sure how to access. My personal email is Durnin-chaidt@esuhsd.org. I cannot begin to tell you how healing your blogs have been…she shares them with me and in the beginning it was daily and we would talk and cry…I recognize that her pain is hers and no two people deal with this tragedy the same…I too worry about her daughter who was very close to her brother she does not speak of him and at times I worry she is in denial…again, thank you for sharing

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    1. I will sign you up through your email and you can share it that way OR you can always click on the social icons at the bottom of each post and share on FB, twitter, or google+

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      1. I guess what I need is the title of the one blog that deals with the anniversary of Dominic’s passing…I am sorry to ask, I remember reading it and wanting to ear mark it for my friend. You gave some great suggestions of how to help with this difficult day. If you can remember the title of the blog I will look it up…thank you again for helping so many who have this tragedy take place in their lives.

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    2. Hi I stumbled on this site tonight & I don’t believe in coincidences or accidents so know God wants to show me something. My son Jeff died 2/9/16, he had colon, double lung, brain, & bone cancer and was 49 years old. I don’t think I could have made it this far without the Lords help. I manage pretty well most of the time but horrible at others. I think I’m going through the Anger part not at God but I have little tolerance for people lately. My husband died 12 1/2 years ago and since then have lost 2 sisters, 2 brothers, my son, & as I write this my 91 year old sister is in the hospital with double pneumonia. I’m sick of losses & being so alone. Please tell me how I sign up to follow your blog. Thank You

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      1. Donna, I am so very sorry for your multiplied losses and deep pain. ❤ If you would like to sign up for the blog, you can look to the right of a post and there is a "follow this blog" option. You click and it will ask for your email address. That's it. You will get the post in your email every morning. The full post with graphics except the featured image at the top. I pray that reading them will be a bit of comfort to you on your journey. May the Lord overwhelm your hurting heart with His love, grace and mercy. ❤

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  2. Hi I have come across your writing from While we’re waiting on Facebook. I’m a very new mom with an Angel son In Heaven! On New Year’s Eve at 10:24 AM with my God’s guidance, I shut off the life-support machines on my son Jesse at 32 years old. He died from internal bleeding, and He had suffered for many years with an alcohol addiction and depression. After many attempts of rehab, he lost his battle.💔😥. You’re writing has been very inspiring and so truthful for me. Thank you so much. I love the title of your email. That’s so me! I love my Lord so much, and I know that there’s a purpose and a plan that he has for me. I sure don’t like this new life, but I will walk threw it baby step by baby step having Jesus carry me through. It is only by his grace and mercy that I am up out of bed and functioning every day. There’s only been one day since my son went to heaven that I couldn’t get out of bed, and that was his birthday March 6. 😭😭. He left me three amazing children, and I see him in them so much. Please pray for my younger son Derek who is 24 and is missing his brother so much. I would love to correspond with you through emailing. And I look forward to many more writing from you. Thank you so much! Be blessed. Denise Leytem A child of the Almighty King

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    1. I am so very sorry for your pain and your loss. I’m thankful the blog is helpful to you-it’s always my hope that what I write speaks courage to another hurting heart. This journey is long and difficult. WWW is a wonderful place to get the kind of godly support you need to make it through.

      I will be praying for Derek-my youngest son was close to Dom and it has been particularly challenging for him as well.

      May the Lord continue to give you the strength you need for each new day and may He flood your hurting heart with His grace, mercy and love.

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    1. I am so very sorry Deborah-may the Lord make His Presence very real to you Sunday as you think about your son. And may He bring a special memory to mind-maybe one you hadn’t thought about in a long while, that will make you smile just a bit. Praying that God’s grace, mercy and love flood your heart.

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  3. Melanie,
    When I first met you in Sunday School, You Had an Ora about you that Comforted me to the core.
    I was hurting deep inside from things of the past and things of the present that I couldn’t understand much less let go of and Although you had no idea of the pain I was holding onto, you talked to me in a gentle, loving and nurishing kind of way.
    GOD was speaking to me through you!
    Your Strength and Encouragement was what I looked forward to every Sunday.
    My Heart Broke the Day I found out that A Piece of Your Heart was broken.
    You Continue to be that Strong, Loving, Caring and Nurishing Gently Soul Even through Your Pain.
    My Prayers for you dear sister in Christ, is that GOD continues to Speak Volumes of Love and Compassion through your Heart unto others.
    Thank You My Dear Friend for Sharing a Piece of Your Heart With Us.
    Continued Prayers of Peace
    Wanda I

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