We of the conservative right rail against political correctness.
We chafe at the constraints imposed from government, media and society that make us feel strangled when we share our faith, our opinion and our life values.
“Free speech!” we cry.
Yet the church has its own form of political correctness that often silences and isolates the very ones we should be serving.
It comes in the form of quick Scriptural replies to heart cries of “Where is God?” (“He’s right here beside you, faithful and good.”)
“Why did this happen?” (“All things work together for good for those that love the Lord.”)
“I don’t think I can take it anymore!” (“I can do all things through Christ.” Or “We are more than conquerors through Jesus.”)
Where is the compassion in that?
I firmly believe that:
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,
2 Timothy 3:16
Yet, wisdom isn’t only knowing WHAT to say, it’s also discerning WHEN to say it.
Sunday School answers only serve to widen the gap between hurting hearts and the hallelujah crowd.
What wounded hearts need first is understanding, not correction. They need to know that church is a safe place to speak the pain they carry. They need to be welcomed into a community of grace and mercy where healing can begin.
I woke up with this Scripture on my mind: “Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more.”(Matthew 2:18b)
God warned Joseph in a dream, but apparently didn’t warn the other fathers.
It served His purposes for those children to die. There is no way to know if their mamas ever suspected the reason or understood the plan.
We read the “story” focused on Jesus-as is right. And we conclude that everything turns out well. But those families lived the rest of their lives with grieving hearts.
The Kingdom has always advanced at a steep cost and the ways of God are mysterious.
This tension is hard to bear.
We live in a scripted world where we can watch and re-watch news, events, movies and Youtube videos. We can read and re-read books. And our attention span is short.
Our compassion is often short, too.
We want to rush past the hard parts, the sad parts and the uncomfortable parts.
We want to get to the end of the story because we want to see how the parts fit together.
But when you are living the story, you can’t hurry to the end. You must live each day, each minute as it comes.
The only way to make it through is with patient compassion, tender mercy and extravagant grace.
Simon Peter answered Him, ” Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that You are the Holy One of God.” – John 6:68
“What else can I do but keep praying to You even when I feel dark; to keep writing about You even when I feel numb; to keep speaking Your name even when I feel alone. Come, Lord Jesus come. Have mercy on me, a sinner. ” -Henri Nouwen
When Dominic was born by c-section, they placed the epidural too high and I was unable to feel my chest rise and fall as I continued to breathe. It was a frightening experience. But I WANTED to keep breathing-because I wanted to touch this new life coming into the world and into our family.
When the sheriff came to tell us that Dominic had been killed, I was sure that I wasn’t breathing and my heart stopped beating. I wanted to escape the pain that filled my heart, my soul, my bones.
I think most bereaved mothers will tell you they have absolutely NO IDEA how their bodies continue to live and carry this heavy burden. We do it for those still here and because having felt the pain of being left behind, our mama hearts want to spare the ones we love as long as we can. But rest assured, it is a daily struggle to decide that we will go on.
I’m not breathing.
They assure me that I am.
My heartbeat thumps the truth for all to hear.
A welcome wail ushers his life into the spotlight of this wide world.
I’m not breathing.
They assure me that I am.
My lungs draw air against my will and my better judgment.
An anguished cry marks the end of his earthly life.
I am breathing.
My body refusing to keep pace with my broken heart.
november 7, 2014
We love to see majestic oaks and drink in the beauty of the curving branches and sit beneath the shade of their spreading canopy. It takes decades for these mighty trees to grow large enough to command attention. Harsh weather forms the branches into lovely shapes pleasing to the eye.
They stand as a testimony to endurance and strength.
Thirteen years before Dominic’s accident and death, God gave me this scripture when naming our farm-Isaiah 61:1-3:
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.
At the time, I focused on the glorious picture of finished oaks of righteousness.
In these months after our son’s death, I have begun to understand that the path to displaying the splendor of the faithfulness and father-heart of God is one of mourning, ashes and despair. Unless I am willing to die to my idea of what life should be and what God should do, I can’t be transformed into the fruit-bearing vessel of grace He intends me to be.
It isn’t easy. I’m still working to embrace this every day-I continue to rail against the fact that this is my life-but grace is seeping into the broken places.
I trust that God will continue to sustain me by His unfailing love and that one day I will be able to stand as a testimony to faithful endurance and the power of His strength.
No child grows up in the SAME family because the addition of another child CHANGES the family. So does the subtraction…
We all miss him.
But each in our own way.
A family isn’t just the sum of its parts.
It isn’t a simple equation that can be worked out on a chalkboard or around a dinner table-this person plus that person equals two persons.
A family is an organic mixture of personalities, relationships, strengths and weaknesses that exponentially influence one another.
I always joked that our family was a ready-made committee. Wherever we went we brought a fully staffed, action-ready army of six that spread out and triumphed over whatever challenge we faced.
The last great task we conquered together was burying Dominic.
Our family has been diminished by more than one person.
We have lost the unique relationship that each of us had with him, lost the added strength that those relationships wove into the fabric of our lives. There are gaping holes everywhere.
Some people say that on earth we can only see the ugly underneath of the beautiful tapestry God is making of our lives.
That’s probably true.
But I long to get a glimpse of what loveliness is to be wrought from these threads.
Grief has sapped the strength from my body and the life from my bones. It has turned this forward-thinking planner into someone who rarely ponders even an hour from now. I was a visionary. Now I’m a survivor.
I understand why Naomi changed her name to Mara-“bitter”.
When I read her story in the book of Ruth, I’m tempted to challenge her across time to “look on the bright side” and to “think of the future”. But she felt her hope and her future had died and been buried with her husband and sons. She was old. She was spent. She couldn’t understand what God was doing or imagine life beyond this moment or this day.
She was dried up-down to the bones. The breath of the promise of God had left her heart and she was barely there.
But God brought joy back into her life, He breathed life into her dry bones.
The book of Ezekiel records an amazing vision. God shows the prophet a valley of dry bones. Very dry bones. No-life-even-in-the-marrow bones. And He challenges Ezekiel to prophesy to them:
Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’” (Ezekiel 37: 4-6 NIV)
I long to have the LORD make His breath enter once again into my own dry bones. So I read His word and prophesy to my dry bones.
He is the God of the resurrection, and He will redeem my sorrow and pain. He IS the breath of life. I am clinging to His promises and trusting His heart.
One day, these dry bones will dance!