Running Ahead

From the start, if you didn’t want Dominic to do something, you couldn’t let him see you do it.  One glance and he memorized the steps to turn on the TV, the computer, the video player (yes, he was a child of the 90’s).  If he saw his dad use a hammer, the first chance he got to lay hands on one found him pounding away.  He was always up for being first.

I never thought he would be the first to get to heaven.

On April 12, 2014 my third born child, in the prime of his life, fit and healthy, strong and lovely, died in a motorcycle accident.

No warning.  No good-bye.

Here one instant, gone the next.  He was twenty-three and less than a mile from his apartment.

There are no words for the moment when your world is changed from what you imagine it can be to the unbearable reality of what it is.  The ache that begins in your gut and spreads to edges of your soul.  “My child is dead.”  You must repeat it to yourself because it cannot be true.  But it is.

I am a bereaved mother and join the millions of women who have buried a child.  It is no place for a mama-standing by her child’s grave.

This is not the life I would choose but it is the one I have been given.  I am learning to walk this new way, with this burden of grief on my shoulders. God is still God and I will choose to remember that.

“Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him;” Job 13:15

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

9 thoughts on “Running Ahead”

  1. Melanie, I wish so much that I could say something comforting, wise or profound. Your thoughts have helped me so much recently and I would love to be able to reciprocate and give something back to you. Especially so on the two year anniversary of Dominic’s death…an anniversary no one wants to experience. But I too am broken and I am not as far on the path as you are. All I can say is that I am profoundly sorry that your special, beautiful, beloved son was killed, and I pray that God’s love, grace and peace will wash over you especially today. Hugs and prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Melanie I understand how you felt then and how you are feeling today. On June 20, 2002 my life and my family changed forever. My oldest son, 31 at the time, was hit head on by a vehicle that crossed over into his lane. He died instantly. His daughter, my first grandchild, was 8 years old and she was with him. They had been across the state visiting family and was headed home. They were an hour into the 6-hour drive home, outside a small town. His daughter was hurt and was carried to the next town which was also small but had a hospital. She was able to tell the nurses her mother’s name and phone number. With no family there, she was by herself when she was carried by ambulance to the small hospital and then air-lifted to Le Bonheur hospital in Memphis. She had a back injury and the seat belt had damaged her intestine which required surgery. It was over an hour before any family was able to get to her because of the decision to send her to Memphis. He too, was one that always had to be the first to try things. The first to ride a bike, a unicycle, a motorbike, to water ski….. And was the first to enter heaven’s gates and see Jesus face-to-face. It is still hard today, almost 14 years later. Then last year on April 25, my second son went home also. It’s so hard at times to understand and accept God’s plan for us, but I know He never makes a mistake, and He is always good. I wish none of us had to be here in this place of grief and heartache, but I’m thankful for the support snx encouragement found here.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Judy, I am so sorry that you have gone through this twice. And your sweet granddaughter-how is she today? I pray that God will continue to uphold you and your family every day in every way and that He will keep us faithful until we are reunited with our sons and see Jesus face to face. Thank you for the encouragement.

      Like

  3. If writing helps, and it often does, then write anything at ALL that you want to write. I have no idea what I would do, so anything you say or anything you do is fine with me and God. And if you get mad at both, that’s ok also. I am nobody. He is everything. But I still don’t like my mother gone…..and she was 93. I feel for you. I am so sorry.
    ROUGH.

    Like

  4. Melanie, my heart aches for you and your family. With a son myself with cancer three times in three years, I can only imagine that feeling and it horrifies me. But like you said, God is still God. And God is still good. Thankfully, Dominic was ready to meet his Maker. Thankfully, I know my son is right with the Lord. Job 13:15 is an inspiration during difficult times like this. Thanks for sharing. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Love you, sweet friend.

    Like

  5. He carries us through the valley. My prayer for us is closeness with the shepherd. Love you my friend. Sharing your sorrows. Thanks for sharing your soul.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s