Loving Well: How the Church Can Serve Grieving Parents and Other Hurting People

I am a shepherd.  My goats and sheep depend on me for food, for guidance and for their security.

And every day I am reminded that a shepherd’s heart is revealed by the way he or she cares for the weakest and most vulnerable of the flock.

But most of us are far removed from the daily reminder of pastoral life that was commonly accessible to the authors and readers of the Bible thousands of years ago.  So it’s no surprise that we tend to forget the connection between a shepherd’s life and a pastor’s calling.

Jesus called Himself, “the Good Shepherd” and He told Peter to “feed My sheep”. The relationship of shepherd to sheep is important if we are to understand how God wants His church to function.

Many churches serve more people than the number of animals in my care. And a pastor is only one person.  He (or she) cannot personally meet every need of every member of the congregation.

Still, a pastor is in a unique position to demonstrate priorities to a church and lead by example in ministering to the weakest and most vulnerable among them.

So how can a pastor lead the church to love the grieving and other hurting people well?

Cultivate a Culture of Compassion:

Does your local body welcome the wounded?  

Like those carrying the pain of burying a child.  Or the burden of chronic physical disability. Or the unceasing struggle of overcoming addiction.

Pain is a reminder that this world is broken. It’s uncomfortable to feel it, to be near to someone who is feeling it. We try so hard to “fix” our own and other people’s pain.  And sometimes if we don’t feel like we can fix it, we ignore it.

A cold shoulder wounds as much as hurtful words. Acknowledgement is as great a blessing as an extended hand.

Compassion means “to suffer alongside”.  It requires getting to know someone and listening to their story.  It means inviting others into your life, not only your pew.

Is your congregation too busy to truly SEE? The business of the church is people.

If we are to minister to the broken, we must reach out to them.  The first step is to welcome them in.  Then show them that you care.

Come alongside, bear witness to the tears, lay a hand on an arm, reach out with only love-often in silence. This is compassion, it touches the soul of one who hurts and reminds them that pain is not all there is.

No one should leave a church service ungreeted.  No one should leave feeling more alone than when they entered the building.

Communicate the Cost of Compassionate Response:

God is the God of inexhaustible resources, yet sometimes we act as if we are in a zero-sum community.  If we give too much over here, there won’t be enough over there.  But God has promised to supply every need according to His riches in glory.  

If we are to live in true fellowship with one another, loving one another through thick and thin, then it will be costly.  Ministry requires giving of resources, energy and time.

I have written elsewhere that, “There is no substitute for walking with the wounded.  It is costly, it is painful, it is hard.”

But it is what we are called to do.

God Himself stepped into His creation to feel the pain of brokenness, to bear the price of sin and to open a Way for restoration and redemption.

We shouldn’t set a time limit or a resource cap when we minister to those He has placed in our midst.

Commit to Continue:

Compassion says, “I see your pain.  I hurt with you.  Let me stay with you until you feel better.  And if you never feel better, I’ll still be here.”

Compassion requires conscious commitment to push back against our tendency to forget those who live with ongoing challenges.

Ministering to hurting people rarely leads to a tidy final chapter that wraps loose ends into a comfortable narrative.We need to be honest about this.  A weekly program is not going to be enough.

Pastors can help a congregation remain focused on compassionate response so that members do not abandon the broken to sit alone with their pain.

True ministry involves RELATIONSHIP.  And relationship is time-consuming.

But relationship is at the center of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  No longer separated from God by our sin, we are invited to His table–welcomed into His family.

We are all broken.  And without the compassionate love of our Savior, we are all without hope.

When we welcome the wounded, we are living the Good News.

Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.

Ephesians 5:1-2 MSG

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

3 thoughts on “Loving Well: How the Church Can Serve Grieving Parents and Other Hurting People”

  1. My dad was a pastor, so I grew up in the church. My earliest memories are of falling asleep on the church pew during a Sunday evening service. We were in church any time the doors were open. After we got married, my husband and I continued to serve in the church and in our Christian-based homeschool groups. Since our biological families lived so far away, we thought of people in these groups as our family. After Jason died, nearly everyone we knew disappeared, both from our church “family” and our homeschool “family.” It would be an understatement to say that the lack of support from Christians hurt me very deeply. It changed me. I can’t even begin to put into words how deeply the abandonment affected me. I no longer see the church as a place of support and solace. I don’t look to Christian people as a source of friendship. I miss the days of feeling connected to “the church.” I am convinced that most Christians have no idea how to help people who have lost a child.
    https://onewomansperspective02.wordpress.com/2015/06/21/lost-in-thought-on-a-sunday-morning/
    https://onewomansperspective02.wordpress.com/2013/12/08/a-crisis-of-faith/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so very sorry Rebecca. I had some very painful situations before Dominic was killed with my local fellowship (years before) where I learned that just because people are “christians” or “in church” didn’t necessarily mean that they were more grace-filled than other folks outside the fellowship. So when Dominic died, I wasn’t expecting much (that’s kind of sad, but true). I have had some amazing people step up and fill the places I needed filled but also had some people that I would have thought would step up not even show up. It’s amazing how much the church doesn’t want to embrace hurting people. It should be our mission but we seem to feel and act as if hurting and wounded people get in the way. May the LORD bring special people into your life to lift you up and bless you in ways you don’t expect and can’t imagine. Jesus KNOWS YOUR NAME and you are precious to HIM. blessings, Melanie

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  2. Melanie, today’s post really spoke to me! I have felt in my heart that God wants me to use my experiences and compassion to give back to others but I have been guilty of sitting back. It is easy to focus on my own pain and brokenness and not acknowledge others who are experiencing their own pain. Thank you for your challenge to follow God’s love and compassion. Sending wishes for love, peace and blessings to you.

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