I was looking for it too, at first.
There had to be a secret path, a magic word, a hidden key that would make this awful child loss journey more manageable.
But there is none.
It seems unbearable to think ahead to the possible years of doing this hard thing. And it is- UNBEARABLE. If I look at the missing writ large across the rest of my life, I will crumble beneath the weight of it.
Yet, I only have to live this moment, this breath, this day.
It’s no platitude-it’s how I have made it through these last three years. I have no grand scheme or insight on navigating the path of burying a child.
Only leaning every day on the Truth.
Speaking it to my heart when my feelings tell me there is no hope.
Praying each day that the Father will wrap His loving arms around me and lift me up and that He will overwhelm my hurting heart with His mercy and grace.
Waiting, when necessary, for a grief wave to pass and then getting up
Refusing to quit because Dominic was no quitter.
Carrying on because I carry him in my heart.
I have not yet reached my goal, and I am not perfect. But Christ has taken hold of me. So I keep on running and struggling to take hold of the prize. 13 My friends, I don’t feel that I have already arrived. But I forget what is behind, and I struggle for what is ahead. 14 I run toward the goal, so that I can win the prize of being called to heaven. This is the prize that God offers because of what Christ Jesus has done.
Philippians 2:12-14 CEV