Except for a few years early in childhood, I have never liked Halloween.  The combination of darkness and creepiness makes my skin crawl.

And now, this side of child loss it makes me angry. 


Because for one night (really, for a couple of weeks), Americans not only think about death, they spend millions of dollars celebrating it.

Not celebrating ACTUAL death-not the absolute horror of being told your child is gone, gone, gone.  Instead it’s a fake, “funny”, silly made-up mockery of a very real, very awful truth.

Sometimes the “celebrations” involve desecrating cemeteries. 

And that makes me even angrier.


Graveyards are the final resting place of other people’s loved ones.  My son is there!  You don’t have the right to make his grave part of your truth or dare game.  

So just don’t do it!

What makes me even more upset is that people will talk for weeks about what they want to “be” for Halloween yet shut down the first mention of a bereaved parent’s pain.

Conversation about costumes, haunted houses and scary movies is invited, conversation about burial and broken hearts is taboo.  

Why, why, why do Americans embrace this paper mache version of death yet refuse to acknowledge or embrace the reality of death in daily life?

It’s no game.  It’s no holiday.  It’s nothing to laugh about or make jolly over.

It’s a very real, very painful, very awful part of my life.  

I won’t participate in making light of it.

pair of shoes

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

20 thoughts on “Halloween”

  1. Same. My son has been gone 9 months. He died by accidental fentanyl overdose.
    We found his body after he’d been gone for 16 hours or so.
    The horror movie trailers and elaborate decorations have made me physically sick. I’ll be glad when it’s over.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is an especially difficult season and “holiday” to endure when you are a parent who’s lost a child by suicide—
    especially when that child died by hanging. To see “fake humans” hanging from trees in neighborhoods is crushing to an already shattered heart.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! They decorate the worst moment of my.life. it is hard for me to understand why people do this. It feels so cold hearted. My shattered heart is with yours.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Totally agree with you Melanie. I have never liked Halloween either..over in the UK it has become a ridiculous charade. Personally, I would like to see the same effort put into celebrating the birthday of Jesus! Now that I could understand!
    I have seen Halloween parties here in Early October. Gardens and homes turned into distasteful displays. Adults taking endless pictures and posting them on social media.
    I decided to go out..to an All Saints night service in the darkness at my local church..and remember what really matters in life, which we all know.
    Sorry folks, but no Halloween in my home only love and light of the Lord!
    I have candles burning tonight on All Souls night for the eternal love of our children..that is what matters! Thank you Melanie for your posts and ongoing unseen support you give us.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Words so true. Never have participated in Halloween and I guess never really gave much thought to it until losing Norman. Now it angers me to see how it is being celebrated and most people never giving a thought to what it really is.

    Funny, I have literally switched house lights off, to avoid trick or treaters.

    Thanks again for your voice.


  5. I lost my daughter in 2002. She would be 16 now. There are days that it feels like it was yesterday. Thank you for putting into words the things I would like to say, but don’t know how. Sometimes I feel that you are talking to just me. When I am having a difficult day or week or even longer period of time, I can come to these posts and find some comfort. Even though we are members of a group no one wants to belong to…we understand one another. Thank you again.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Preach it girl! I feel the same. If anyone even sets foot near my baby’s gravesite tonight, we will be digging them a whole tomorrow! 😡😰


  7. So true; today makes me angry as well.  Co-workers all dressed up as witches and they don’t get why I don’t want to participate.  Just trying to make it thru the day and be kind to their enjoyment.  So hard…… Ann Hebert

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I so relate to your comments . My son (Derek , 36) passed away January this year (2017) . Each holiday is a challenge …. now Halloween ! I Try to remember that my son enjoyed Halloween , however it is another holiday to endure. I have never liked or displayed the horror images Halloween ; only the smiling pumpkins, etc.
    As I go about putting out a few jack-O-lanterns (with smiles). They remind me of myself up to on this journey of mourning my son … putting on a FAKE SMILE of endurance !
    I do know God wants me to be strong & have courage for my journey … and rely on Him for my Joy ! The Joy where Love & Goodness resides.). Thank you for listening (reading ) . Elaine
    PS : Melanie , this is my first rely post . Your gift of writing & expressing feelings of ‘the life I didn’t choose’ are nourishing to the soul for us who know & understand !!


  9. Today – Halloween marks the anniversary of the night my son, AJ, was killed in a horrific accident by a distracted driver… he was a young new father of a 14 week old son, who was severely injured, and his young wife became a widow in an instant. This day is the worst day (as you understand well) and being Halloween….well… your post ministered to me on this most wrenching day of my year. Thank you for your blog and posts. Barn

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I am so very sorry for your pain and your loss, Barb. This day is even harder for you! May you feel the Father’s loving arms around you today, especially and may He overwhelm your heart with His mercy, grace and comfort. ❤


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