An Open Letter to the Mom Who Was Almost Me

I hesitated to post this but plunged ahead for two reasons:

  • I want my friends to know that I welcome the opportunity to pray for them and their children-my heart longs to join in petition for the life of another mother’s child.
  • But it still hurts to hear too much detail about some things-you have no idea how well my imagination can fill in the gaps in stories of twisted metal and almost death.

So here it is.  I hope you receive it as it’s intended. ❤

heart baloon girl

Dear Mom Whose Son Survived the Accident,

I want you to know that I am beyond thankful that you will be spared my pain.  I prayed for your son as you requested-begged God to spare him.

They say misery love company but I say misery loves comfort.

I do not want one more parent to know the heartache of child loss.

Given the chance, I would not hesitate a moment to answer the Miss America question:  “If you could do one thing in the world to make it a better place, what would it be?” 

“I would make sure no parent ever had to bury a child.”

Not from disease.

Not from starvation.

Not from war or natural disaster or accidents.

No more out of order deaths!

Every parent would go to his grave assured his son or daughter would continue to carry the family legacy.

But that’s not possible.  So I rejoiced extra hard when YOUR son had that awful accident, yet lived.

You get to visit him in the hospital, take him home with medicine and physical therapy.  I met my son in the funeral home and could only choose a casket for his final resting place.

You will have this holiday season tempered by the shadow of what might have happened, but rejoicing in a second chance to make new memories.

This will be my fourth set of holidays without my son-without his presence at the table, his face around the Christmas tree, his stocking limp and empty because there’s nothing left for me to give him.

You were impatient when I asked you to respect how difficult it is for me to hear the details of your son’s accident.  Even in my joy that you will be spared my fate, it hurts to hear how close you came.  You were offended and that really hurt my heart.

I didn’t contact you; you contacted me.

I didn’t ask you to pray for me, you asked me to pray for you.

And I did. 

And I will.

Because even if you are insensitive, ungrateful and inconsiderate, I will ask God to continue to protect your son-that’s what a broken heart does.

It begs for mercy.


A Broken Hearted Mama ❤

look into your own heart and refuse to inflict that pain



Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

12 thoughts on “An Open Letter to the Mom Who Was Almost Me”

  1. Melanie, you read my mind. I thought something was wrong with me for feeling this way. I had someone say to me who almost lost their son in a car accident and yes, he does have some permanent issuesbecause of the accident, but she said I know how you feel. I wanted to scream, NO you dont. your child is alive. Thank you for your posts!!!!!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have the unique perspective of being a mom on both sides- a child who died and a child who went through multiple near death experiences due to illness and is fighing his way back. Both completely change the life you lived. Both completely suck. Both broke my heart. I really hate when people say that my son who was ill is a “miracle” which I totally agree with but it undermines so much that it took to get him there and it makes me feel like my son who died isn’t. I remember thinking as we were going through the illness with my son, this is how I felt when J died yet I get to experience life with L however it looks, he’s here. Sometimes that was harder than when J died because I watched L suffer so incredibly much. I even found myself praying that if this was what his life would be that God would take him. These are thoughts I don’t share much but the reality of having a child who is living in constant pain, sickness, suffering IS sometimes( for me) harder than having one who passes. It was like I was in those early weeks of losing J constantly with L. (I dont know what kind of accident the child of the person you were talking about in your post has gone through for us it was monthsof ICU, life flights, me doing CPR on him while our other kids watched and years of aftermath) I am so thankful that my living son is here. I am thankful for him in a way that I could have never been before losing J and going through the constant medical trauma of L. I miss my son who died so, so much. I am happy to know that we, both my sons and I, will be together one day, healed, happy and whole.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your new posts have a sort of “zing” to them sometimes, which I love. You hole nothing back. God bless you. I pray for your Domenic along, with my own son, and all children who have been lost, as well as the families.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Yes, it’s hard not to feel the pang of injustice when someone else’s child survives, but ours did not.

    I think one of the hardest situations for me was when a friend asked me to pray for her because she was feeling such a loss when her son went to college. She thought I would understand that this was a huge loss for her because I had suffered a loss when Jason died. I know that it was difficult for her, but I can’t tell you how many times I bit my tongue to hold back from saying, “Your son is ALIVE!! He will come back to visit you. Your son has the opportunity to get married, have children, live a life. Mine does not have the opportunity to do any of that. Be thankful he is alive.”

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you for this Melanie! I so appreciate how you reach out to help the rest of “us” who have lost a child when at the same time your heart is also broken from your own loss. That means so much to me! I pray God continues to bless and comfort you and each one of us. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I totally agree. The phrase that hurts my heart most is when someone says to the parent of the badly injured child, “God must have been watching over your child.” I try not feel the hurt, but in my mind I always think, “Are you saying that God wasn’t watching out for my son?” We won’t truly understand until we are reunited with God and our children who ran ahead of us, but I know that God loved my boy and He loves me too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I totally agree with you. I also feel like those who have never walked this path don’t really understand how a bereaved parent might be processing their statement differently. God loves us and He loves all our sons and daughters who went ahead of us.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. so many difficult paths to navigate. I pray that family dont think their child lived because they prayed better! so hard for anyone to understand who hasnt lost a child. Almost losing is a long long long way from losing xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Thank you for all your amazing posts, Melanie. You consistently articulate so well so many of the things on our own hearts for which we have not yet been able to form words (our son, Levi, voluntarily took his leave a year ago on June 22). And you often make us aware of things we have not yet experienced, as well.
    We are so sorry for your loss of Dominic, and thankful for your companionship and insightful sharing along that dread path.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so sorry for your pain and your loss. Thank you for encouraging me by sharing that the posts help your hearts. I pray that the Lord gives you strength for each day and that He will overwhelm you with His love, grace and mercy.


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