Why I Won’t Hide My Tears

It’s always a delicate balancing act when I’m with my living children and missing Dominic.  I never, ever want to elevate their brother to a level that says I love him more than them-because it isn’t true.

I didn’t love him more when he was living and I don’t love him more now that he’s dead.

But I do love him differently.

dom looking up with camera

 

I can no longer DO things for him.  I can’t buy him a special Christmas gift, send him a thoughtful text when he’s having a tough day, make his favorite dish because he’s coming home for the weekend.

I can only testify to the love I continue to carry in my heart and to the impact he made on my life.

THAT’S why I won’t hide my tears.

tears (1)

I won’t pretend that some things don’t sting, some moments don’t overwhelm my wall of defense against the grief waves that pound relentlessly against it, some smells or sights or memories don’t bowl me over and knock my heart to its knees.

Because not only am I testifying to the love I have for Dominic, I’m also testifying to the love I have for each of my children.

They can see with their own eyes that death will never sever the ties I have with them nor cut the bond of love that stretches like a silken cord between my heart and theirs.

kids at sea world 2017

 

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

3 thoughts on “Why I Won’t Hide My Tears”

  1. I was in the frozen food section of Walmart yesterday. Out of nowhere, I broke down, tears running down my face. I hid my face. I couldn’t seem to stop. Why, I asked myself? The mind is an awesome creation. I remembered that just two years ago I was in the frozen food section of a Walmart in Atlanta when Jason called me with the news…. “Mom, I have cancer” I nearly collapsed, I was all by myself. I live in Charleston, SC. Why now? In the frozen food section of a Walmart 600 miles away? Two years later? It creeps up, it jumps on us like a bullet out of nowhere, like a wild animal attack, no warning, all alone you need to fend off the attack….
    until the next time. And then, you pay the cashier and walk out to the car park, wounded but still breathing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What a relentless memory to attack your heart! I am so sorry<3 All of us have those triggers that no one else would know or even probably understand. But our bodies respond to sights, smells, touch, sounds and suddenly we are transported against our will to a place where grief is fresh and irresistible. And yes, then we dry our eyes, do our duty and walk on. May the Lord give you strength to endure and may He flood your heart with His love, mercy and grace.

      Like

  2. I agree completely, tears are not meant to be suppressed. Even I cry lot if times, my grief makes me cry and I don’t think there is any wrong in it. It’s my love actually that flows on form of tears. Even I try to emphasize this fact in many of my posts that I am writing these days.

    Liked by 1 person

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