Breathe In. Breathe Out. Repeat.

Almost four years and I still have those moments. 

I know from other grieving mamas that I always will. 

But sometimes they catch me by surprise.

Motoring home from Walmart, a campaign sign catches my eye.  The candidate is young and running for District Judge in our county.  That could have been Dominic.

Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Repeat.

Walking by the wall of photos in my hallway-something I do every. single. night.  I turn and two-year-old Dom is looking right at me.  Innocent.  Full of promise.  Smiling wide.  I kiss his picture because that’s all I have left.

Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Repeat.

Reaching for the jar opener Dominic brought home one day, suddenly I’m crying.  He was always looking for ways to make my life easier.  I hope he knew how very much I appreciated it.

Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Repeat.

Water the plants we got for his funeral. 

Walk by the car he drove to school. 

Wash his cup hanging unused under the kitchen cupboard because it’s covered in dust.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat.

 

Author: Melanie

I am a shepherd, wife and mother of four amazing children, three that walk the earth with me and one who lives with Jesus. This is a record of my grief journey and a look into the life I didn't choose. If you are interested in joining a community of bereaved parents leaning on the promises of God in Christ, please like the public Facebook page, "Heartache and Hope: Life After Losing a Child" and join the conversation.

3 thoughts on “Breathe In. Breathe Out. Repeat.”

  1. I hear you, loud and clear.I am so sorry for your loss. Next Wednesday will be 8 years ago my son Connor died. Seems like a second, seems like forever. For me, I just can’t believe how I have made it through and love him more than ever. Here’s to all our children……

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This was me just the other day x I was happy one minute sharing a story to our local general store owner how we had been having a nice time taking photo’s using my ‘forever 20’ year old son Jacob’s camera. We wore smiles, then he said to me ‘you’ll like this’ and showed me his phone. I thought he was going to show me a photo he’d taken. But no he showed me a phone number and a name. On the screen was a misspelt name Jakab following number. He said ‘every Christmas I send him a message.’ We still have Jacob’s old phone but his number isn’t connected anymore. I was really touched by what he’d shared with me, as it showed me how much Jacob meant to him. Tears welled in my eyes and words couldn’t escape my mouth. I smiled an awkward smile, backed out of the shop into my car and burst into tears. It is way too unfair that our boys aren’t with us x hugs to you

    Liked by 1 person

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