Is it not sweet to believe that our tears are understood even when words fail? Let us learn to think of tears as liquid prayers, and of weeping as a constant dropping of importunate intercession which will wear its way right surly into the very heart of mercy, despite the stony difficulties which obstruct the way. My God, I will “weep” when I cannot plead, for Thou hearest the voice of my weeping.
Spurgeon
I was not yet through the first 24 hours of Dominic’s absence when I decided I’d never hide my tears.
I love fiercely and I understood-even in the confusion of that awful day-that my tears were as much a testimony to love as my hugs ever were.
So I cried when I wanted to, needed to, couldn’t help it.
At first I think my tears were mainly an expression of loss and sorrow.
But as the days rolled into weeks rolled into months and now years, my tears are as often an expression of longing as of pain.
The Spirit of God not only maintains this hope within us, but helps us in our present limitations. For example, we do not know how to pray worthily as sons of God, but his Spirit within us is actually praying for us in those agonising longings which never find words. And God who knows the heart’s secrets understands, of course, the Spirit’s intention as he prays for those who love God.
Romans 8:26 PHILLIPS
When my mind cannot find words for the deep things of my heart, I cry.
I think of each tear as a liquid prayer and trust that God captures it in His bottle, takes note of it in His scroll.
You have seen me tossing and turning through the night. You have collected all my tears and preserved them in your bottle! You have recorded every one in your book.
Psalm 56:8 TLB
And I hold on with both hands to the promise that there will be a Day-a wonderful, never-ending, light filled Day-when tears will be a thing of the past.
Every sad thing will be untrue.
Every stolen thing will be redeemed and every heart restored to perfect peace in the Presence of the Most High God and Christ Jesus Himself!
But here on this mountain, God-of-the-Angel-Armies
will throw a feast for all the people of the world,
A feast of the finest foods, a feast with vintage wines,
a feast of seven courses, a feast lavish with gourmet desserts.
And here on this mountain, God will banish
the pall of doom hanging over all peoples,
The shadow of doom darkening all nations.
Yes, he’ll banish death forever.
And God will wipe the tears from every face.
He’ll remove every sign of disgrace
From his people, wherever they are.
Yes! God says so!
Also at that time, people will say,
“Look at what’s happened! This is our God!
We waited for him and he showed up and saved us!
This God, the one we waited for!
Let’s celebrate, sing the joys of his salvation.
God’s hand rests on this mountain!”Isaiah 25:6-10 MSG
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Today was a very tough day…full of liquid prayers! I have spent some time going through boxes of Emily’s things, including her memory boxes of those items that mattered most to her. Whatever progress I have made in four months seems to have been lost today as I was thrown right back to the moment of her death and the raw, gutting sorrow that followed. When, oh Lord, will I be delivered from this pain?
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I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. Going through our child’s things is sure to bring on the tears! I am further down this path and can honestly say (in spite of the post that follows this one!) that sorrow is no longer all I feel and my son’s absence is no longer all I see. I pray that the Lord will overwhelm your hurting heart with His grace, love and mercy. ❤
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