Grief changes lots of things.
I am simply not able to spend energy on frivolous and marginally meaningful social activities anymore.
I’m sure that hurts some folks feelings and I am truly sorry.
But I can’t help it.
Truth is, we all have a limited amount of energy to spend on life’s commitments, celebrations and unexpected circumstances. It’s just that most of us aren’t forced to admit it very often. Before Dominic ran ahead to heaven, I could “rob Peter to pay Paul” as my daddy used to say. A few days of not enough sleep, a few days of rushing here and there, a few days of biting my tongue and smiling when I wanted to cry were bearable.
I could survive a week or two and then take a day or two to recover. Good as new.
I don’t have that luxury anymore.
Now I operate every. single. day. on a razor thin edge of just enough energy to get by and not enough energy to get out of the bed.
So I am selective about social commitments because I know the energy just isn’t there.
I’m not withdrawing, I’m drawing boundaries.
I promise you are still important to me but I may have to check up online instead of in person.
I want to know about every special and exciting thing going on in your life-I want to celebrate with you!-even if it’s from a distance.
Please don’t scratch me off your list just because I don’t always say “yes” anymore.
I will keep showing up when I can and send a card or gift when I can’t.
I’m doing the best I can.